Masahiro Tanaka’s Sinker, or Nothing We Know Is Real
Earlier today, FanGraphs contributor and dealer in vulgarities Paul Sporer submitted footage of the pitch featured here, annotated by a brief comment of his own to the effect that it (i.e. the footage) cultivated within him pleasures analogous to the sort derived from coitus.
The pitch appears courtesy not only MLB Advanced Media but also, more immediately, Yankees right-hander Masahiro Tanaka — and seems to possess arm-side movement which one might reasonably describe either as unconscionable or totally unconscionable.
The data, however — as is often the case — cause the scales to fall from the eyes and all hopes concerning the existence of miracles to fall with them. Because, in reality, it actually seems as though the movement depicted here is very conscionable — to the point, in fact, that Tanaka threw 14 pitches against the Red Sox on Sunday that possessed more arm-side run.
Regard, a table:
| Inning | Balls | Strikes | Pitch | Speed | Hor | Vert | Tot. | |
| 1 | 4 | 2 | 2 | SI | 92.8 | -11.1 | 7.0 | 13.1 |
| 2 | 4 | 1 | 2 | SI | 93.5 | -10.4 | 5.0 | 11.5 |
| 3 | 2 | 1 | 1 | SI | 91.3 | -10.2 | 6.1 | 11.9 |
| 4 | 4 | 2 | 2 | SI | 92.6 | -10.2 | 7.3 | 12.5 |
| 5 | 2 | 1 | 0 | SI | 90.7 | -9.9 | 4.8 | 11.0 |
| 6 | 1 | 0 | 1 | SI | 90.9 | -9.8 | 5.8 | 11.4 |
| 7 | 2 | 3 | 0 | SI | 91.1 | -9.7 | 6.6 | 11.7 |
| 8 | 1 | 1 | 2 | FS | 88.6 | -9.6 | 3.6 | 10.2 |
| 9 | 4 | 0 | 0 | SI | 90.6 | -9.5 | 5.4 | 10.9 |
| 10 | 2 | 0 | 0 | SI | 91.7 | -9.5 | 6.3 | 11.4 |
| 11 | 6 | 1 | 2 | SI | 94.8 | -9.4 | 6.4 | 11.4 |
| 12 | 5 | 1 | 0 | SI | 91.4 | -9.3 | 5.9 | 11.0 |
| 13 | 6 | 2 | 2 | SI | 91.9 | -9.2 | 5.8 | 10.9 |
| 14 | 1 | 1 | 1 | SI | 89.7 | -9.2 | 4.0 | 10.0 |
| 15 | 2 | 0 | 0 | SI | 90.9 | -9.1 | 6.8 | 11.3 |
Vert denotes vertical movement (in inches)
Tot denotes total Pythagorean movement (in inches)
The highlighted row is the pitch in question to Brock Holt, featuring 9.1 inches of run — less than an inch greater than Tanaka’s average sinker, in fact.
One might suppose that the pitch atop this list, featuring more than 11 inches of arm-side run, would constitute an even greater visual spectacle. That isn’t the case, however.
Regard, that fourth-inning sinker to Jackie Bradley Jr.:
Is all life an illusion? Is Locke right, that one is bound by the limits of his or her perception? Did Locke even even suggest something to that effect? Maybe, is the answer. Maybe, in all cases.
Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.
I waited all day for this post.