Dan Szymborski FanGraphs Chat – 3/12/18

Dan Szymborski: He passes to the man, shoots it, and boom goes the dynamite!

Gub Gub: Did you hear how the guy who invented Super Mario contacted the GoldenEye people, and said the violence was appalling, and that they should add a scene at the end with the characters shaking hands in the hospital?

Dan Szymborski: I did not.  That is amazing, if true.

Soda Popinski: Rangers fans are grousing about the team’s failure to move on Lance Lynn or Alex Cobb on one year deals, which would allow the team to move Doug Fister or Mike Minor to the pen.  Are the Rangers close enough, and is the upgrade enough, that Lynn or Cobb at 1 year, $12-14M would be worth it?

Dan Szymborski: At this point, not really.  The window for the Rangers is getting really small and I don’t think they’re close enough that Lynn would matter.  Cobb maybe if you can get an option.

Slapshot: Buster Olney retweeted something yesterday about how Zack Greinke’s fastball is only sitting at 84-87 MPH right now.  Is this something the D’Backs or fantasy players should be worried about?

Dan Szymborski: I’d be a bit worried.  Greinke is a notable worrier, but while his fastball was down last spring, he’s even off last year.

Mat: In NL only

Billy Beane: Dan, so I just found out that in addition to making her chili with beans, my fiancee hates cats. But also, she loves baseball (she is at Spring Training right now, and I would be with her, but I have to work). I still have to end things right? Also, I assume this is what this chat is for.

Dan Szymborski: Yes.  To be real classy, break up in the form of custom Valentine’s candy hearts.

Seth: Straight from Travis’ chat to Dan’s chat, pretty good Monday

Al: Are people too down on Amed Rosario after a short stint as a 21 y.o at the end of a long season in the ML? He went from a consensus top 3 prospect with less than a season above A ball to someone that is largely being written off

Dan Szymborski: I don’t think he’s written off, but I think he’ll need another year or so before he really breaks up.

HappyFunBall: With Travis visiting all? most? of the Cactus League clubhouses I think he’s missing an opportunity if he doesn’t make an “Interesting and Bad Suggestion” tailored to each one of them. This chat seems like a lovely place to come up with ideas. I suggested that he ask the non-Kershaw LADs pitchers if they would be willing to tandem start to take advantage of team depth.  What else can we come up with?

Dan Szymborski: I like interesting/bad ideas.  One could say they govern my life

Dan Szymborski: How about trying to see if Kershaw can throw right-handed.  400 inning years!

Terry: Do the Reds wish that they took Brandon Nimmo instead of Dilson Herrera in the Bruce trade? Or is it too early to tell?

Dan Szymborski: Way too early I think

Paul at the Library: Iannetta worth a flier behind the plate in a 5×5, 12 team OBP league?  Sanchez and Contreras already spoken for so I’d love to wait and wait.  Career resurgence, love him at Coors with that lineup…

Dan Szymborski: Not a bad one, though tight at 12.

Dan Szymborski: If you dont’ have Posey/Sanchez, I think the good C strategy is essentially to rough it at the back of the draft

que: Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Dan Szymborski: I want to do look more like, but only in situations where less like make do less.

Mat: In 10 team NL only league with holds, who do I choose for last keeper? $4 Conforto, $1 Chatwood, $1 Strop or $1Moran?  Conforto’s injury scares me off a little.

Dan Szymborski: I’d still go with Conforto

Billy Beane: Jonathan Lucroy said he’d been talking to the A’s and Mark Kotsay for a month before he signed there. That sounds like a case of “Please will anyone else sign me I don’t want to play at the Coliseum.” I’m glad he didn’t get any better offers.

Colin: What are the odds that Carlos Martinez has the 6-win year it has always seemed like he’s been capable of this year?

Dan Szymborski: I’m with you, I think it’s in there somewhere!  Not sure what the odds are.  10%?

Don Von Handburger: Tell us many baseballs, mister base ball man!

Dan Szymborski: This one time, Scott Garrelts made a cake that was shaped like a baseball and he threw it to Tony Gwynn, but Tony Gwynn knew from the instant it left Garrelts’s hand that it was actually cake so he magically turned it into a baseball mid flight, Gwynn hit a single to left and then Garrelts felt his pocket and it was full of cake, but it was red velvet cake instead of yellow.  Garrelts was never the same after that.

tom: with the injuries to desclafani and finnegan, is the reds rebuild officially off the rails?

Dan Szymborski: I wouldn’t say that.  This isn’t the year they’re trying to be good.

Don Von Handburger: Rumors are that Toe Nash is signing with the Nippon Ham Fighters. Could he eventually make it to MLB?

Dan Szymborski: Really?  Probably not, given his age and legal history

Brian: Steamer is much more bearish on pitcher walk rayes than ZiPS is, to the tune of .15 BB/9 higher on average. Do you have any idea why?

Dan Szymborski: Couldn’t tell you.

Shawn miller: Jon gray finished?

Dan Szymborski: Orioles haven’t traded for him, so no.

Billy Beane: Hey, Dan, I was doing some research and I think I found some meaningful correlations between Spring Training stats and the regular season. What I’ve found is that things that support my pre-existing beliefs are obviously meaningful and things that do not support my pre-existing beliefs are meaningless. HAve you found anything similar?

Dan Szymborski: Dan Rosenheck did some work on this and found that there was a slight bit of value.

Jason: Over/Under – 3…..  Hosmer scowls in the direction of Dave Cameron so far this ST?

Dan Szymborski: 22

Will Graham : Shout out to Carson Cistulli, the God-King.

Dan Szymborski: Banned

DD: So, can You help a brother out and give Duplantier a projection?

Dan Szymborski: I’ll post public spreadsheet sometime this week witht eh request area.  No guarantees as I don’t like projection pitchers until they have AA experience.  I do when I need to, but I try not to

Mr. Freeze: Zips has Trevor Story remaining at his 2017 levels with a bit more SLG and everything else about the same. Why do you think it’s not giving him a better chance to rebound to some 2016 levels?

Dan Szymborski: Well, because the year that suggest 2016 level was his ability is only 2016

John: Should the Yankees go all in on Harper or Machado? Frazier-Machado or Harper-Andujar?

Dan Szymborski: Absolutely, especially machado

Don Von Handburger: Are their unlimited Capri Suns at the fangraphs’ clubhouse?

Dan Szymborski: I hate capri suns.  I hated them as a kid because you got 6 ounces instead of 8 and I’d always poke that sharp little straw through the back.

Dan Szymborski: Now Hi-C Ecto Cooler was money.  And you could trade that for ANYTHING.

Owen: You have any read on Brandon Moss’ future?  Or Matt Holliday for that matter?

Dan Szymborski: Golfing.

Dylan: I saw an article recently claiming scouts are pretty down on Ohtani’s hitting.  Is this just an isolated conclusion, or is this the general view?

Dan Szymborski: Views are all over the place.

Jake: How can I convince my friend that not signing Lance Lynn was a good move by the Cardinals?  Am I better off simply finding a new friend?  His name is Karoush, by the way.

Dan Szymborski: Lynn just isn’t that good.

Dan Szymborski: The Cardinals have a bunch of OK pitchers.  Lynn doesn’t really give them much they don’t already have.

Dylan: The link to Travis’ chat from a few hours ago goes to his chat from last week

Dan Szymborski: Call the evil one.

Mountie Votto: Sad day in Reds-land, but the battle for the final rotation spot has left me slightly more optimistic. Not that injuries are good, but which of the young SPs does the Finnegan/DiSclafani news “help” the most?

Dan Szymborski: Mahle I would assume.

Post Malone: Do you think the Yankees brining in infield veterans has anything to do with keeping options open to Make a Move for a big piece?

Dan Szymborski: It could, but I think Walker improves the team in 2018.

Szymmmbooo Slice: Friers and Lynn both reportedly turned down the Orioles to take less lucrative offers elsewhere.  Is the Birds reputation amongst pitchers really that bad?

Dan Szymborski: Naturally, if the Orioles want you, something must be wrong with you as a pitcher.  Total bad PR!

Cold in MN: So the Twins ‘won’ the offseason in terms of value FA/trades, right?  (saw the article on Lynn too, great value for 1 yr)

Dan Szymborski: They did a really good job.  Like the Angels, they look to be at a place where additional wins have huge playoff consequences.

Mountie Votto: Please make a sad Reds fan feel better

Dan Szymborski: You don’t *have* to eat the chili

The Danalyzer: Will Arrieta have the same success in Philly as he did with the Cubs or is he just a product of a good system? Did he go there just for the cheese steaks?

Dan Szymborski: He’ll be fine in Philly.  The infield defense won’t match Cubs, but his ability to keep ball down valuable in the park.

Nolan: Is THIS the year Nelson Cruz finally shows some age?

Dan Szymborski: You would think, but he’s aged shockingly well.

Cozart’s Donkey: Do the Reds dip into free agency now that they’re down 2 starters? Who might fit?

Dan Szymborski: No purpose.  Winning this year is a nice-to-have, not something you spend on.

awy: so uh, pitch sequencing with the new 3d pitch visualizer statcast tool, seems promising.

Matt Klentak: Dan, am I looking fantastic or what?

Dan Szymborski: I’ve long been a fan of the Philly rebuild

Dan Szymborski: Plus, if you say your name like Klen-TOCH with a guttural at the end it sounds like a great Klingon word

Dan Szymborski: QAPLA’, KLENT’ACH

Scott: Thoughts on the Lucroy deal? I kinda like Oakland as a wild card sleeper tbh

Dan Szymborski: It’s fine, though not buying the A’s as a real wild card contender.

JSDee: The Padres best defensive alignment would be Margot in left center, Jankowski in right center, and Wil Myers standing just to the back and right of Hosmer.  Tell me I’m wrong.

Dan Szymborski: God the Hosmer signing stunk.

Mike Moustakas: Has anyone ever done as badly “gambling on themselves” as me? I’m making half what I would have with the qualifying offer

Cozart’s Donkey: Does this spell the end of Brandon Finnegan, starting pitcher? I mean, it might spell the end of “Brandon Finnegan, active pitcher” but he clearly can’t handle the strain of starting, right?

Dan Szymborski: Moose still beat Jody Reed.

Dan Szymborski: I wouldn’t say that yet.

Matt: Interesting/Bad Idea: Banning beanless chili

Dan Szymborski: Banning beanful chili:  Interesting/Good Idea

Dan Dan the Cheerleading Man: Is a hot pocket a type of pie similar to a chicken pot pie?

Dan Szymborski: A hot pocket is a ravioli

JC: combining your interests, some WWE/MLB equivalents: Othani-Rousey (Hype, how good are they?) Strowman/Judge (obvious), but trying to find a good one  equivalent for Puig, Cena, or Harper

Dan Szymborski: The Miz for Puig

Dan Szymborski: Cena was like Jeter

Dan Szymborski: Harper Randy Orton?

Josh: Who do you have as the fave in the AL East? How does the Walker signing or the fact that the Yankees have much more ammo to make improvements during the season factor into that?

Dan Szymborski: Yankees.  This just accentuates that prob a bit.

Matt: I have a friend named Dan. His last name isn’t Szymborski, but I figure Szymborski is just a nom de plume anyway. Are you actually my friend Dan, Dan?

Dan Szymborski: Yes.

Pennsy: Why, in your opinion, are there no openly gay players in Major League Baseball?

Dan Szymborski: Cultural issues?

Dan Szymborski: Even if you think your teammates will be supportive.

Dan Szymborski: There’s always the risk that you’ll just be The Gay Guy unless a bunch of guys come out at once.

Dan Szymborski: See what happened with Sam.  After he came out, he really got defined by that and every signing or non-signing of Sam became tea leaves fodder about his sexuality and what the move or non-move meant.

Will: What’s a reasonable rookie ceiling for Acuna assuming he’s by May?

Dan Szymborski: All the WAR

Scott: Have you ever been to a game at the Coliseum? It’s nowhere near as bad as people make it out to be. Plus day games there are always perfect weather-wise

Dan Szymborski: I have.  I thought it was pretty bad

CamdenWarehouse: How bad of a GM is Brady Anderson going to be for the Orioles?

Dan Szymborski: Terribad, I suspect.

Bobby: This is old news at this point but I have a question about the Yankees’ ZIPS as I was looking over it the other day. Why was it so down on Didi? He’s coming off a career year and ZIPS is projecting his worst year since joining the Yankees

Dan Szymborski: Couldn’t say off-hand

CamdenWarehouse: So you hated Capri Suns because you are uncoordinated?

Dan Szymborski: Who wants to drink from a bag?

Dan Szymborski: Even Canadians put their stupid milk bags in pitchers.

Dan Dan the Cheerleading Man: +1 for Hi-C Ecto Coolers, those and gushers were highly valuable during lunchtime trades

Dan Szymborski: I actually bought school lunch, but just the basics.  I’d bring ecto cooler and fruit rollups and when they came out fruit sharks because they were super valuable for barter.

Dan Szymborski: Sometimes, I could trade for an entire normal lunch with the junk and just hang onto the cash.

Dan Szymborski: My grandfather would give me a twenty a week for lunch and I could keep the rest.

Dan Szymborski: Which believe it or not was actually a lot of money for a litlte kid at the time!

Billy Beane: How does ZIPS project defense? Does it use DRS or UZR or a blend of them? I’m taking the over on ZIPS WAR projection for Matt Chapman because it (fairly) assumes that no one is as good as he is at defense based on the SSS.

Dan Szymborski: A blend and I have a total zone-esque minor league system.

CamdenWarehouse: Give us Carson’s phone number and we’ll absolutely call him…

Dan Szymborski: Just draw a pentagram on the ground and open a vein over it.

Jake Arrieta: Dan, hello. I am looking forward to eating the sandwich known as “cheese steak” on the regular.

Dan Szymborski: I never got an answer on whether Chris Sale won the record.

Derek in Little Rock: Thoughts on Robbie Ray (now with Humidor) to win the 2018 NL Cy Young?

Dan Szymborski: I think he’s a legit candidate, though Kershaw is the defualt favorite as long as he exists

The Old Buccaneer: Do you call Carson or do you summon him?

Dan Szymborski: Subjected to

TKDC: Has a great Japanese hitter ever come over to MLB and been just bad? Ohtani is a great Japanese hitter…

Dan Szymborski: I don’t think so

Matt: I solved the puzzle. Your last name is just an acronym for Silly zebras yelling maniacally behind orange rhinoceroses sporting kimonos ironically. What’s my prize?

Dan Szymborski: Self-satisfaction

MikeM: What do the Yankees do with all that infield depth.  Right now they have Bird-Walker-Didi-Drury penciled in with Lind, Wade, Andujar, Torres as depth.  Thats not to mention Torreyes who was a good utility man last year

Dan Szymborski: I’m not quite sure.  Someone like Lind could just be outrigfht cut

Larry Londs: Can you explain what happened to the usually dependable Mark Melancon last year?  Is he fixed now?

Dan Szymborski: Injury and a .370 BABIP

Don Von Handburger: Are there some bells you can’t “un-ring” ?

Dan Szymborski: All of them.  That’s how sound works.

Adenolith: You know what, beans are fine in chili. There are literally things called chili beans. Maybe some of us didn’t grow up rich and had to make the meal stretch further. Also, cats are terrible, emotionless animals who crap in other people’s yards. Sounds like she might be dodging the bullet.

Dan Szymborski: there are literally things called corpse flies but that doesnt’ make it ok to kill your family

Dan Szymborski: Cats are terrific!

The Old Buccaneer: Have you ever been to an Orioles Spring game in Sarasota? Going to my first one next week. Stadium looks beautiful on the outside.

Dan Szymborski: I have, but the times i’m down there I tend to move around a lot

Don Von Handburger: WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME THAT MO VAUGHN AND GREG VAUGHN WERE COUSINS??!?

Dan Szymborski: DID YOU ASK FOR UPDATES?

Brett: Boras, after the A’s win the 2nd WC with a payroll under $70 million:  “Like rats sneaking onto ships taking the oppressed to the New World, the A’s snuck under the revenue sharing rules, snuck under the CBA, and snuck into the Promised Land.  I don’t like rats.”

Pad Squad: For fun, please have some speculation as to whom the Padres ought to try and acquire in a year or two at third base.

Dan Szymborski: David Freese!  Then they can blow all their free agent cash on a superstar like J.A. Happ.

The Old Buccaneer: Real chili doesn have beans.

Dan Szymborski: Bingo

CamdenWarehouse: Ravioli and hot pockets are just less tasty pop tarts

Sammy : Are the Mets under-talked about right now? Seem much better/more interesting than the typical .500 projected team

Dan Szymborski: I think they’re talked about as much as they should.  They’re a borderline contedner with a lot of questions and a meh ownership.

Dan Dan the Cheerleading Man: My name is Dan too Dan, is it possible that I am also Matt’s friend Dan?

Dan Szymborski: More than possible, it’s a guarantee.

Derek in Little Rock: How many team totals over/under plays are you taking this year?

Dan Szymborski: I haven’t made any yet!

obp slg: If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Dan Szymborski: I know what you’re trying to do here, so I’ll just say ssergorp.

Just A Dude: What’s MORE likely: the Braves end up a playoff team in 2018 or sign Harper or Machado in the off-season?

Dan Szymborski: Former

toki: Why do people always reference Ben Zobrist as the first super utility guy?  Seriously though Infante had been that guy for a year or two prior to Zobrist even being in the Show.

Dan Szymborski: TONY PHILLIPS

Matt: Not a fan of Franzia either, I bet.

Dan Szymborski: I don’t really like wine

Mike: Seriously Dan, Capri Sun is made better by the bagginess of it all. If it were sold in a can would you like it less/more?

Dan Szymborski: More.

Juice boxes: Juice boxes on the otherhand are unmatched. Ecto Cooler will always be king. Long Live Ecto Cooler

Dan Szymborski: It’s literally made of slimer and corn syrup, I heard.

Dan Szymborski: There was always the dread that a foolish grandparent or parent would accidentally buy you Juicy Juice

Dan Szymborski: For some reason, depsite being more juice it really tasted weird.  Like teh cherry flavor was cherry juice, but it was made by some guy squashing cherries in his armpits.

Dan Szymborski: Juicy Juice had zero trade value, it was like an Orioles signed player.

Abhi P: If you had to pick three NL Wild Card contenders, who would they be?

Dan Szymborski: Cardinals, Brewers, Diamondbacks

Cozart’s Donkey: DUNKAROOS FTW

toki: What’s the one breakout I keep betting on that never pans out?

Dan Szymborski: Danny Salazar because that’s me every year

Billy Beane: This one kid at my school would always have oreos and he could get literally whatever he wanted for lunch. My ham and cheese lunchables might as well have been prussian franks because I couldn’t trade for anything with them.

Juice boxes: Fruit Sharks! Yes! Those were gold. Could even get chromies for some of those.

John: How do you account for years of control for young players in the future power rankings? It seems like the Cubs are getting a little underrated because that doesn’t factor strongly enough into future value. They control all their important position players for at least 4 more years (Contreras, Happ, and Almora for all five years of the rankings). It just seems like even with the weak farm system, they have enough “future value” on their roster to rank ahead of the Cardinals and Braves.

Dan Szymborski: It’s folded in the current players.

Don Von Handburger: Have you ever prank called a MLB player or front-office executive?

Dan Szymborski: No, but a fellow by the name of John Mosey and I would crank IM Bill James occasionally in the late 90s.

Brady Anderson’s sideburns: I’m kind of new to the projection systems here on fangraphs.  What’s the difference between steamer and zips?  Zips seems a lot more generous to me.

Dan Szymborski: Jared Cross is stingy and generates his projections by squeezing out orphan steam urchins with steamrollers.

Dan Szymborski: I ate least give them gruel.

JB: Greg Holland- where do you think he’ll end up?

Dan Szymborski: I could see him with the Angels.

I am the Walrus: Do you think Acuna will break camp with Braves or be a May call up?

Dan Szymborski: He’ll start in minors for obvious reasons but be up before May

Matt: Are the Yanks going to use their depth to…..wait for it…….wait for it…..

Dan Szymborski: ALL THE BACON AND EGGS

Matt: DROWN THEIR OPONENTS!

John Johnston: Putting beans in chili has gotten people shot in Texas

Matt: Why are cat’s pajamas so great?

Dan Szymborski: Becuase they hae pitchers of cat’s in pajamas on them, invariably.

JD Martin: Does ZiPS take pitcher contact management into consideration for its projections, and if so, how much of an effect does it have on the ERA/FIP differential do you find?

Dan Szymborski: It’s part of the BABIP model.

Dan Szymborski: I can’t say exactly off-hand how much of the difference that specific part causes

John Johnston: I was at DFW decades ago when a cowboy shot a waiter who brought him chili with beans in it.

zako: What was your favorite movie in 2017?

Dan Szymborski: I’ve never been much of a moviegoer – Star Wars it he only 2017 movie I saw.

Chicken fluffer: I walked in on my cat yesterday going to town on my sons giant stuffed chicken.  It was disturbing.  The chicken is in isolation until we get things sorted out.

Alan: As a vegetarian, my chili has no meat.

Dan Szymborski: So you’re just eating chili peppers?

Billy Beane: My fiancee made the same argument re: chili beans. You could name something spaghetti avocados and that doesn’t mean that suddenly it would be okay to put avocados in our spaghetti sauce.

Dan Szymborski: CORRECT

Dan Dan the Cheerleading Man: I want your hot take, do they give the Cy Young award to a pitcher for a record 62nd time or will it go to another position?

Dan Szymborski: I kinda feel like Andrelton Simmons deserve a Cy

Billy Beane: Dan, have you ever looked at your own projections, looked at the Vegas line and then not trusted your own team projections and been wrong? Like ZIPS was bullish on someone and then you were skeptical and it turns out you should’ve trusted your own projection?

Dan Szymborski: Sometimes I know more than the projection system.  Sometimes I think I do and it turns out I don’t

Dan Szymborski: I think the best example was Andrew McCutchen after his slow start in 2017 following his bad 2016.

Dan Szymborski: ZiPS kept saying HE STILL BORDERLINE STAR OFFENSIVELY!  And I said ZiPS have you seen him run and swing a bat?  And then boom he had an .850 OPS the rest of the way

Dan Szymborski: And ZiPS said haha you suck fleshling and I said well I pay the electric bill dickweed.

Dan Szymborski: [Conversation edited for dramatic effect]

Guest: The Orioles are $35M under last year’s payroll, are pretending to compete this year, and know they’re gonna be terrible next year.  Why on Earth aren’t they taking some of these cheap short term free agents?

Dan Szymborski: Foolishness?

Dan Szymborski: Why the hell would you hang onto Machado when this is the team around him?

WillC468: I read the article about Ohtani’s hitting.  The thing I could not get over when everyone was gushing over Ohtani as the greatest thing since sliced bread is that, with the exception of Ichiro, every Japanese player that has come over has failed to reach the crazy hype surrounding them.  Sure, some players have been very good major league players, excellent even.  But none have reached the hype, Ichiro excluded.  Matsui was very good, but not the Godzilla masher he was hyped to be.  The next time Dice K throws a gyroball will be the 1st time.  Darvish has been very good to excellent, but not an ace, at least not for an extended period.  Ditto for Tanaka.  To assume Ohtani would come to the States and dominate was fools gold.  Especially considering he did not play a lot last year due to injury.  This is not to say Ohtani will be bad or not valuable, just that maybe we should pump the breaks a little. Should Ohta

Dan Szymborski: It’s not that he was guaranteed to be a 6 win guy or anything

Dan Szymborski: But the prospect of him doing something we don’t get to see

Matt: 20 bucks as a kid felt like real wealth. on the rare occasions that i held a 20 dollar bill i mentally broke it down into all the penny candy it would buy, it was almost too immense a stash to comprehend. i would have probably skipped lunch and tried to beg for scraps to fund my vision

CamdenWarehouse: Juicy Juice could still be thrown away at no cost so it was better that signed Orioles players

Dan Dan the Cheerleading Man: Canned juices are an abomination! Squeeze bottles are King!

Hector: Who would you rather have for a full year: Aaron Nola or Robbie Ray?

Dan Szymborski: That’s super close.

Dan Szymborski: I’d say Ray by a hair and I love Nola

Don Von Handburger: How old were you when you realized that a guitar “solo” wasn’t actually a solo?  It’s like, hey, I hear the rhythm guitar and drums too!

HappyFunBall: Mo Vaughn and Greg Vaughn are also cousins with RICKY Vaughn, but they don’t tell anyone because he’s passing.

Matt: I don’t think that’s my friend Dan, Dan.

Dan Szymborski: We’re both Dan.

Juice boxes: Lunch box currency is an interesting concept to adopt. So if Mike Trout is an Ecto Cooler, who is Hi-C Orange?

Dan Szymborski: Pre-2017 Avi Garcia

Dan Szymborski: I swear, Hi-C Orange is just vinegar, sugar, and citric acid

Ghost of Wild Bill Hagey: say, have you heard anything recently connecting the O’s to Alex Cobb

Dan Szymborski: No

Cozart’s Donkey: Is it time to start questioning the Cincinnati training staff, or is this just bad luck/injury-prone guys?

Dan Szymborski: Pitcher’s gonna pitcher

Look dude: Saw Uehara is headed back to Japan.  Do you know if that was his preference or if offers weren’t coming in from MLB teams?

Dan Szymborski: Hard to say.  He might see value in having his last season in Japan

Bryan: Who hits more home runs: the Yankees 3-6 hitters or the San Francisco Giants entire 25 man roster?

Dan Szymborski: I’ll take the Yankees 3-6 over the Royals

JSDee: chili with no beans, ecto coolers, fruit snacks, and pop tarts. dan’s just trying to have his cats out live all of us.

Dan Szymborski: I’ve got a 19 year old cat who is older than I think half the guys in Baseball Discord!

Dan Dan the Cheerleading Man: Will there be a civil war between Ohio and Texas? I think I’d side with texas, chili on spaghetti is stupid

Dan Szymborski: Texas would win that.

HappyFunBall: The interwebs claim this to be a thing: https://130world.wordpress.com/tag/capri-sun-bottle/

Bryan: Do you think the Nationals will resign Harper?

Dan Szymborski: No

Jeff: Do you see CJ Cron getting solid production in TB?

Dan Szymborski: No

CamdenWarehouse: The Cy Young award should go to the best rookie named Cy obviously

Matt: Can we, the chililectorate, cast aside our differences on the efficacy of the legume, and unite behind the idea that vegetarian chili is decidedly unacceptable, and not chili?

Dan Szymborski: Yes

John Johnston: But what if the ZIPS spreadsheets have escaped into the wilds of the Internet and no longer need you to pay their electric bill?

Dan Szymborski: Dark times

Matt: Dan. Act calm, no sudden moves. I don’t want to alarm you, but it seems that imposter Matt is back.

Dan Szymborski: You can both be mat.

Dan Szymborski: Matt.

Deadpool: You guys are missing the best juice. Hugs, those little things that came in a barrel. I still drink them.

Dan Szymborski: WTF is a hug?

PD: Why does it look like Albert Pujols’s aging curve shifted a few years early?

Dan Szymborski: I’m still amazed one of hte best hitters I’ve ever seen turned into an anthropomorphic fart golem so quickly

The Oberamtmann: Capri Sun is 90% non-recyclable trash, 10% mildly-decent taste juice-like product.

Matt: In the world of lunch box currency, would would be the MONDO comp? Ronald Torreyes?

Dan Szymborski: WTF IS A MODNO

Dan Szymborski: MONDO

Dan Szymborski: I don’t know what’ with all these kids lunch things I don’t know, but now I’m scared and am voting for Trump in 2020 now

John Johnston: “There’s a trap door under every pitcher in the world, and there’s a gibbon in the control room, mashing buttons because he has nothing better to do.” – Grant Brisbee

Matt: Oh man, I totally forgot about barrel juice. I never knew it had a name. In this day and age of statcast, any chance theres a marketing opportunity for resurgence? “Get your barrels after drinking a barrel”

Dan Szymborski: Oh wait, is that what those drinks in those unmarked barrel things are called?

Dan Szymborski: I had no idea

Look dude: RE: WTF is a hug.  Two people.  Usually 4 arms.  Intertwined.

Dan Dan the Cheerleading Man: Gummy Sharks > Gushers > Fruit by the foot > Fruit Roll up

Juice boxes: “Lunch Box Currency” is going to become a thing. I coined it!

Deadpool: Hugs come in little plastic barrels. You can get 40 of them for $8.

Dan Szymborski: What was their trade value like?

Dan Szymborski: I was a business oriented kid

Dan Szymborski: I was the only kid allowed off campus for lunch in high school so I made good bucks on flipping McDonald’s items

John Johnston: You guys drank juice at lunch in high school? We went for the caffeine in my day.

Dan Dan the Cheerleading Man: Ecto Cooler > Blue Kool Aid Squeeze Bottle > Mondo > Hugs > Capri Sun > Minute Maid juice box

lunboks: Machado is a Twinkie, Arenado is a Cosmic Brownie. Which do you prefer?

Billy Beane: Why were you, exclusively, allowed off campus for lunch?

Dan Szymborski: My grandfather simply announced to the principal that I would be going off-campus for lunch and nobody protested.

Dan Szymborski: My grandfather had this weird sense of authority.

Dan Szymborski: It was always amazing to me.  Even when he was in his mid-90s and 25 years away into retirement, he had this deep booming voice and this ridiculous command of language and authority and anybody would do whatever he told them.

Dan Szymborski: I cannot do that AT ALL

Dan Szymborski: We’d go into restaurants and he’d tell the host/hostess what beer he would like immediately and they’d just get it for him while they were seating us.

Dan Szymborski: He got me out of so much trouble as a kid!

CamdenWarehouse: stupid Baltimore County school system

CamdenWarehouse: no one useful comes out of there

Dan Szymborski: HEY

Tim: Your grandpa sounds cool as shit.

John Johnston: My grandfather was a long-time elected county sheriff and a retired Military Police colonel. He also had a strong sense of authority.

Dan Szymborski: Yeah, people with authority like that, just have something.  Even when they don’t have a job that gives them power over anything either.

Dan Szymborski: My grandfather was this scrawny little New York lawyer who served in WWII and stayed with the army as a civilian lawyer fairly high up in government until he retired in 1973

Dan Szymborski: But he had a real command of any situation.  You see pictures of him with his unit in WWII and he was the shortiest but had the cockiest look of any of them

Don Von Handburger: I want your grandfather to take a time machine back to the 1980’s and become my grandfather

John Johnston: Authority is a skill, like charisma or sex appeal.

vivalajeter: Regarding “gambling on themselves”, didn’t Juan Gonzalez give pass on a $130mm (give or take) extension from the Tigers?  Then he signed a 1-year deal with Cleveland the following offseason.

Dan Szymborski: That was a fun one

CamdenWarehouse: (I went to Hereford)

Dan Szymborski: FRIGGING HEREFORD ZONE I HATE YOU

Dan Szymborski: When you were a kid in Baltimore County and there was bad weather.

Dan Szymborski: If schools were open on time, the “Hereford Zone” was open two hours late.

Dan Szymborski: If schools were two hours late, the Hereford Zone schools were closed.

Dan Szymborski: (The Hereford Zone were the schools north of exit 24 on I-83 as you get up to the PA border)

SIr Mookleton McBetts III: When you snap your fingers, it is your middle finger hitting your hand that causes the snap, not the separation of the fingers. When I first realized this my mind nearly exploded.

Jon Snowzeliak: Dan are you sure we’re not cousins?

Dan Szymborski: We COULD BE

Dan Szymborski: On that note, time for me to shuffle off for another week.

Dan Szymborski: Thanks for joining me, everyone!

Dan Szymborski: As a reminder, you can find my work at ESPN.com, chats and projections at FanGraphs, and a  DSzymborski on Twitter.