Dan Szymborski FanGraphs Chat – 5/16/16

Dan Szymborski: I’m here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and I just bought a pallet of Hubba Bubba from Sam’s Club.

Alan: The Red Sox need starting pitching. The Braves are willing to deal Teheran. What’s a reasonable return Atlanta could expect from Boston if they dealt Teheran?

Dan Szymborski: The Red Sox would balk at Benintendi or Moncada most likely, but they’ll still need to have a package of a couple of the second-tier guys, like Sam Travis+

Seth : In your opinion, is Mike Foltynewicz’s ceiling any higher than a #3 starter?

Dan Szymborski: His ceiling is certainly.

Dan Szymborski: Ceiling is really wherever his command can get to.

Bork: Bautista v Odor added to Extreme Rules. What kind of match do they fight in?

Dan Szymborski: Buried Alive? I just want to see Bautista do Undertaker situps

Vic: Would you sit Greinke in favor of Betances and/or Miller this week?

Dan Szymborski: Well, depends on your team. I’m not panicking about Greinke though.

Jacob: Hey dan what are your thoughts on Ryan O’hearn 1b from the royals? Power and OB% is showing up?

Dan Szymborski: Interesting, but incomplete as he was on the old side for his level at the start.

Dan Szymborski: Nobody I’d call a 2016 MLB option. Yet.

Vic: Chris Herrmann. Starting Catcher and Starting CF! What do you know about him?

Dan Szymborski: Color me skeptical – it’ s not like he was an unknown without a track record

Vic: Any hope for Sean Manaea and his 2 home start week?

Dan Szymborski: I’m optimistic on Manaea generally, but you have to be playing in a horribly deep league for him to be a fantasy option

hscer: How would Odor’s suspension be different if he’d pointed and sworn at Bautista instead of clocking him in the face?

Dan Szymborski: Well, from inadequate to inadequate. This is a league that gave Carlos Quentin 8 games.

Seth : Are there any players you could see the Braves trading for (at deadline or in offseason) who could add some power to a historically powerless offense?

Dan Szymborski: They would be idiots to do that. WInning 62 games instead of 60 has *zero* value.

mtsw: If you were, hypothetically, placing money line bets on baseball games, what would you look at as a possible factor that’s not correctly priced into the bookmaker’s lines?

Dan Szymborski: If it were that easy, betting would be easy.

Cool Story, Bro: Matt Bush is a great story, but seems like he could be a legit impact arm in that Rangers bullpen too. Think he’ll end up closing or setting up, sooner rather than later?

Dan Szymborski: He *could* but it’s wait-and-see

Smith: Franco struggling so far offensively, walk rate down and strikeouts up.. Is there serious concern for him right now?

Dan Szymborski: He’ll be better than this, but expectations for him *were* over-inflated.

Dan Szymborski: ZiPS had him at a .784 OPS coming into the season, Steamer .782, remember.

Dan Szymborski: So he ought to be better than .740, but much worse than last year’s .840

Bill: Will Jon Gray break the Coors curse?

Dan Szymborski: I’m cautiously optimistic. I’m a bigger fan of the Rockies prospects than I am of Rockies management.

Outta my way, Gyorkass: Jonathan Villar: BABIP mirage, or potentially useful player?

Dan Szymborski: Well, >.400 BABIP is always a mirage.

Dan Szymborski: If you’re in the Sahara Desert and you see a supermodel holding a Lagunitas IPA, it’s always a mirage.

Frank: Lorenzo Cain (age 30) off to slow start. any concern? what do batted ball numbers tell you if anything?

Dan Szymborski: I wouldn’t call it concern – even with a slow start, he’s on-pace for over 3 WAR. Fact is 2015 was likely his career year and if you decided that was his baseline, you were set up for disapointment

Sean P: Hawk Harrelson literally left the White Sox broadcast booth last week in the middle of the inning to go to the team clubhouse to check on Todd Frazier after Frazier injured his mouth jumping into the stands on a foul ball. Hoping to get a witty insight/comment from you on this one…

Dan Szymborski: Maybe he’s a better doctor than broadcaster.

Danny Almonte: It seems like Kris Bryant draws a disproportionate amount of walks after being in an 0-2 count. Any way to look this up?

Dan Szymborski: Baseball-Reference is your friend and you should give Sean Forman all your money.

OddBall Herrera: Hypothetically, if you could get several pitchers to learn and consistently repeat the exact same mechanics as each other, to what degree would their pitches end up looking very similar? If the answer is ‘very similar’, and if non-optimal mechanics are a major driver of injuries, then aren’t injuries in a way the cost we are paying for having a pretty cool diversity of pitch types and styles in MLB?

Dan Szymborski: Well, if everything is identical so far, including their various arm speeds, then physics demands that they be quite similar.

Dan Szymborski: Injuries are the cost we pay for having baseball.

Dan Szymborski: Hall of Fame pitchers are the good pitchers that simply survive the Hunger Games pitching meat grinder.

Kevin: Who’s crazy breakout are you buying more, Jackie Bradley or Travis Shaw? And what would you say the odds are that at least 1 of the 2 can keep up this well above average offensive production (+125 wRC+) for the remainder of the season?

Dan Szymborski: Bradley

hector santiago: How do I continuously manage to outpitch my FIP? Should I expect years of regression to happen at once?

Dan Szymborski: Hard to say, but even over the number of IP, that much overperformance has some predictive value

Dan Szymborski: When he’s good though, his change is usually on.

Ken M: Clayton Kershaw made a mistake in signing that contract, right?

Dan Szymborski: I wouldn’t say so. That he *didn’t* get injured over that time frame doesn’t mean that it was stupid to factor in the risk t hat he *would* get injured

Dan Szymborski: I’ve never been at-fault for a car accident, but that doesn’t mean that I made a mistake buying car insurance over that period.

Dan Szymborski: (apart from the legal issue of not having insurance)

Curious George: Is there an article written on the perils of setting your lineup with only side of plate for handed batters against a pitcher. IE lefty pitcher facing a only righted batters 1-9.

Dan Szymborski: I don’t think you have enough control/experiment for that kind of thing to be that meaningful

Dan Szymborski: Differences in palyer quality will tend to dwarf that of handedness.

Tom: Do three NL East teams make the playoffs this year?

Dan Szymborski: No

Joe: What, if anything, did people get wrong in their predictions about the Orioles?

Dan Szymborski: Who was making April-only predictions?

Danny Almonte: Did Odor just trump Nolan Ryan and Kyle Farnsworth?

Dan Szymborski: Ryan’s was more iconic

Will graham: Do protection systems lag too much in accounting for steep changes? I’m thinking Odubel Herrera’s uptick in walks and Hector Neris’ K rate?

Dan Szymborski: Depends. There are a lot of steep changes that don’t maintain.

Josh: Have you noticed anything in particular that has led to Iwakuma’s poor start? His FB velocity is down a tick; is that having a significant impact?

Dan Szymborski: I can only remember seeing Iwakuma starting once this year, so I’d have to go back and watch to have a non-statistical ansewr

baby bull: Lindor went ice cold, are they pitching him differently or did he just have to come back down to normal

Dan Szymborski: I think this is a case of not seeing the forest for the trees.

Trevor: Thoughts on the AL West? Are the Mariners now the favorite considering the start to the season? I like their rotation a lot, lineup has some good depth around the core. The pen has shown some cracks with Peralta as the 8th inning guy, however (Benoit due back this week though). Is the pen the most likely trade addition the M’s would make?

Dan Szymborski: Given the likely small spread of ability from best to worst AL teams, actually having the lead is a significant advantage

Dan Szymborski: Since there’s unlikely to be someone trailing you that’s *much* better than you.

Dan Szymborski: Mariners are in a good, not great position.

baby bull: corey seager starting to get hot, what is his ROS projection since he didnt get off to great start

Dan Szymborski: Shouldn’t be much change given that he’s just about at his projections for the season.

rustydude: Back when you were answering questions with “April”, a commenter in another FG chat was analyzing Ian Desmond after 2 weeks when he was hitting something like .100/.100/.150. The commenter commented that he watched Desmond watch a meat pitch that was right in the middle of the plate for called strike 3 and concluded that Desmond was cooked. The chat host sort of agreed that he looked a little lost at the plate. One pitch is the ultimate small sample size, so the analysis sort of speaks for itself. My question is, considering how difficult it is to hit major league pitching, what would you guess is the % of MLB hitters who experience a called strike 3 meat pitch each season?

Dan Szymborski: 100%

Dan Szymborski: Joey Votto’s already had a few

baby bull: Who should I start in a weekly league Tulo or Villar? or platoon?

Dan Szymborski: Go with your studs

Hungry: How long does it typically take for Zips to change it’s projection of a player? For example, lets say Addison Russell made an adjustment and is now a true talent 115 wrc+ hitter, how long would it take Zips to change it’s ROS projection?

Dan Szymborski: That’s way too vague a question because it’s not a 2D line. There’s no magic change/no change point

waffentreaturner: Think the Nats have modified any optimistic plans to call up Giolito this year? 20 BB in just 30.1 IP and a WHIP up near 1.70 + the rotation lacking a weak link

Dan Szymborski: There’s no need to rush him if there’s a need.

Slippin Jimmy: Technically, the quote is “kick ass and chew bubblegum,” not “chew bubblegum and kick ass.”

Dan Szymborski: I can say it in any order I want.

Dan Szymborski: Roddy also said he was all out of gum

Reginald Denton III: Old school sugary bubblegum…I love it. So will your dentist.

Dan Szymborski: I don’t actually chew g um

Dan Szymborski: I drink my milk. My teeth are so strong I could bite through time.

Tom: Are the Miami Marlins a playoff team?

Dan Szymborski: I’d say no.

Outta my way, Gyorkass: Are the Brewers going to be good before Jimmy Nelson’s initial 0-6 club control ends? Would he make sense as a trade piece and if so, what general type of return would he warrant (assume a trade near this year’s deadline)?

Dan Szymborski: I think you have to look at a trade if the packages are good.

Copp: Moran and White for Teheran. Is that fair?

Dan Szymborski: I would find that an underwhelming package.

Eric: Can Yoenis Cespedes keep up this pace?

Dan Szymborski: No

Danny Almonte: Which struggling veteran that “it is too early to worry about” are you most worried about?

Dan Szymborski: Shelby Miller

Zorn: Thoughts on Anthony DeSclafani?

Dan Szymborski: He is a pitcher.

Outta my way, Gyorkass: Cubs rumored to be proposing a package including 5 top prospects for Trout. Any chance this is anything more than wild clickbait speculation?

Dan Szymborski: Probably not, but you should always be willing to talk

j6takish: Cistulli is nearly halfway eligible to cast a HoF vote. Sam Page once asked “Does Carson Cistulli’s Admittance To The BBWAA Finally Justify His Preposterously Detailed Wikipedia Page?”. Now that it has been 4 years, what is your opinion?

Dan Szymborski: I will vote for the presidential candidate that endorses sending Carson to Gitmo.

Danny Almonte: What is the trade that needs to happen? One that just makes too much sense not too (but still probably won’t)

Dan Szymborski: Freddie Freeman for something. The Braves are wasting his time.

Houzer : better playoff stash … Trea Turner or Dee Gordon?

Dan Szymborski: Probably Gordon if we’re talking fantasy

Oliver: Idk why but I enjoy reading old chats before the new ones start. I just got half way thru the one i picked for today (your chat from 8/26/13) and noticed you placed that bet on Scherzer to win the CY young. What did you spend your winnings on?

Dan Szymborski: Put it in my brokerage account.

CecilFielder: Was Kiley McDaniel ever replaced for prospect writing, or is that why Eric longenhagen is being brought back?

Dan Szymborski: Remember how I always tell you guys that ask FanGraphs questions to the Daves?

Bart: What’s your opinion of Brandon Finnegan?

Dan Szymborski: Every start at one point has edged on disaster due to his command.

Matt: Dan! Lance McCullers is back! But he sucked. Should I be worried?

Dan Szymborski: The Astros are the Typhoid Mary of pitching this year.

kris: How, exactly, is Matt Bush a great story?

Dan Szymborski: Everybody loves a tale of redemption

Dan Szymborski: Bush served his time – society already got its shot. As I see it, society gets a shot, any potential victims get a shot, I’m not sure why *I* should get a shot too.

Bork: >.400 BABIP is always a mirage? Well I’ve have you know Chris Colabellohahaha I can’t do this.

Bart: Will any teams show any interest in trading for Jose Reyes?

Dan Szymborski: If they don’t have to pay much.

Dan Szymborski: The suspension/crime has likely gotten the Rockies off the deluded notion that someone would give a prospect for the privilege of paying Reyes to play baseball.

Seth : Swanson or Albies at shortstop for the Braves in 2017? Will the decision be based on the offensive potential of the players?

Dan Szymborski: There’s no need to rush things.

hscer: I missed the USA chants yesterday during the fracas. Was it wrong to be entertained by that aspect of it?

Dan Szymborski: The best USA chant was about 20 years ago in WWF, when the fans chanted USA to support Canadian Bret Hart in a match against American Yokozuna.

Seth : regarding earlier question re: Braves trading for power bats… meant for upcoming season, not 2016.

Dan Szymborski: The Braves are going to be awful in 2017. They aren’t — or at least shouldn’t — base prospect development based on 2017 contribution.

Justin: What is your Aledmys Diaz take? Mirage, stud, solid?

Dan Szymborski: He’s worked his way up to the point where a lot of that has to be real

Anthony: Felix has had his velo creep up lately. I still think he can be an ace or near an ace at 91-92. Do you agree? His off speed stuff was on point last night against a team that doesn’t strike out much.

Dan Szymborski: Yes

Dan Szymborski: He’s been at 91/92 for a long time and had ace seasons in th attime

klof: When does Kim win the full-time job in Baltimore?

Dan Szymborski: It’s hard to say. He should be full-time now, but there seems to be an incredible amount of delusion in Baltimore about Joey Rickard’s contributions.

Dan Szymborski: Yes, the team’s 23-13, but that’s more in spite of Rickard, not because of.

Steve: What’s up with Fielder? Is he done? Looks pitiful.

Dan Szymborski: I think he’s nearly done. Better than this, but not good.

forever it: Does Benintendi’s move to AA make it more likely they might bring him up to Boston by the end of the year?

Dan Szymborski: More likely, but they still don’t *need* to push him to Boston

Outta my way, Gyorkass: Heh, maybe I should have phrased that Villar question better. Obviously, a BABIP over .400 is unsustainable, but are there other reasons to believe that he could be a useful piece moving forward, or is his relatively strong performance so far completely built on the back of ball in play luck?

Dan Szymborski: Well, yeah, he’ s a good role player and possibly an OK stopgap starter, but I don’t think more than that. With a normal BABIP, he’s right around his career line

Matt: Regarding Bradley vs Shaw – are you not believing Shaw, or just like Bradley better?

Dan Szymborski: Bradley has a longer resumé of periodic promise

Outta my way, Gyorkass: Lagunitas brew idea: Sahara Desert Mirage IPA? Brewed with Algerian oasis water?

Stenzy: Two excellent starts in a row for Matt Cain against Blue Jays and Dbacks. Stuff keeps getting better. Thoughts on how the rest of his season goes?

Dan Szymborski: He’s going to need to do it longer

Jon Back From The Dead: Is odubel Herrera this good? Is this the type of player he is? I’m waiting for the return to earth but he just keeps on hitting.

Dan Szymborski: He’s not *this* good but he’s a really good player

James: Do the Braves continue to sell pieces away (Vizcaino, Ender, Teheran, Freeman, Markakis) or will they begin to improve in 2017?

Dan Szymborski: Depends on the package.

Dan Szymborski: They have a logner time frame, so a lot of those guys ought to be traded if the package is even remotely reasonable

Dan Szymborski: Remember a few weeks ago when people were asking me if the Braves could get a top prospect for Markakis?

Dan Szymborski: Ah, April laughs.

mtsw: If MLB hadn’t capped posting fees at $20M how much would Shohei Otani post for this offseason?

Dan Szymborski: Darvish dough plus inflation from then

Guest: should the yankees consider trading mccann in order to give sanchez a chance? there are a couple contenders that have a hole at catcher.

Dan Szymborski: I think they need to strongly think about towel throwing-in. They won’t though

James: What do you think of Markakis? Braves be able to get rid of the contract and add a solid prospect?

Dan Szymborski: To speak of the devil – I swear I hadn’t seen this in the queue.

Dan Szymborski: For the privilege of paying Markakis 2.75/28 or so, my offer would be nothing.

Dan Szymborski: If I’m giving a solid prospect for Markakis, you need to be throwing in time machine plans to get me to 2008 so I can get the Markakis that I’d actually want

Bork: Can you v Cistulli be added to Extreme Rules too?

Dan Szymborski: Sure

Reginald Denton III: What are your expectations of Jose Reyes? Will he be relevant at all this season — fantasy and otherwise — and if so, will it be in Colorado or elsewhere?

Dan Szymborski: He may be, but I don’t expect him to be very good.

Keith: My WhiteSox could really use Nick Markakis, what would we have to give up?

Dan Szymborski: Really use Nick Markakis?

Dan Szymborski: Geez guys, all these quesitons were written before I talked about Markakis

Chris: Could Braves trade for Braun/Lucroy? They gotta do something to turn it around heading into the new park, speed up the process.

Dan Szymborski: WHY

Dan Szymborski: Yeah, they could trade for Braun/Lucroy. Then win 67 games instead of 63 in 2017 and lose prospects for the privilege.

Dan Szymborski: They wanted to have a good team for the new park. They’re not.

Dan Szymborski: Trying to hotshot a decent year to coincide with the new park doesn’t work – the short-term talent level of the team is not there

Dan Szymborski: And by doing so, you risk generational team destruction

Dan Szymborski: The people that should want the Braves to trade for short-term improvement are fans of the other four teams in the division.

Tim: Man, my Red Sox need pitching bad… Shouldn’t we offer Benitendi to the Braves for Teheran? We have plenty of offense and strong system still.

Dan Szymborski: They *could* and I think they’d get Teheran for that

mtsw: Hey are the Rockies possibly kind of good now?

Dan Szymborski: hey, they’re only a couple games ahead of the zips pace!

Dan Szymborski: The Rockies have several very interesting players and an excellent farm system. My Rockies doubt is the ability of the front office to maximize the value of their assets in the majors

Bruce: The Angels are complete crap… We are never gonna win during Trout’s contract…. Shouldn’t we just completely re-vamp the farm system and deal him.. Talk about a heck of return.. Call the Braves or Cubs.. They have great systems

Dan Szymborski: I actually would explore a Trout trade.

Shaun: Koen Broxton killing it in AAA – both power and speed. is he for real or is it just overblown PCL stats?

Dan Szymborski: He’s probably a usable OF in the majors. But let’s not go too crazy over a month in Colorado Springs

mtsw: If you’re the Cubs why trade for Trout when you’re already overwhelmingly likely to win your division? Maybe he’d slightly raise their chance of winning a playoff series but is that worth surrendering a raft of prospects?

Dan Szymborski: It might be. Trout is one of those generational players and it’s not like he’s a free agent

Dan Szymborski: You essentially get Trout at 6/134. That’s incredibly valuable.

Henry Blinkler: I get the feeling that this is the last chance to trade Braun for a good return in a keep-forever league. Agree?

Dan Szymborski: Yes

Something Brewing: With the Brewers as bad as they are, what do you think the likelihood is that they end up trading Jeffress and Will Smith by the trade deadline and Corey Knebel ends up closing?

Dan Szymborski: Fairly high – I get the impression that management is realiatic

Bork: Dan is the ESPN guy so we can ask him ESPN questions instead like about Bill siHELPTHEIRHERE

Dan Szymborski: I’m not answering internal ESPN questions either!

mtsw: Hey don’t look now but the Padres are only like 5 games back in the NL West. Is AJ Preller talking himself into erroneously thinking this team is competitive and doesn’t need to teardown?

Dan Szymborski: 5 games back is a 20 games back pace.

Dan Szymborski: Because they’re like 40 games into the season.

Dan Szymborski: The Padres odds are significantly *worse* than they were at teh start of the season.

Dan Szymborski: Being one game better than the Rockies and one game better than the Giants and one game better than the Diamondbacks and one game better than the Dodgers over 162

Dan Szymborski: Is far better than having to be 5 games better than the Giants and 4 games better than the Dodgers and 4 games better than the Rockies and at 1 game better than the Diamondbacks over over 123 games

Dan Szymborski: and yes, I change from using words to number names, but the point remains

Adrian: How do you see the Hector Olivera situation ending? Are his days numbers with the Braves?

Dan Szymborski: Badly

Dan Szymborski: I didn’t think he was all that interesting before the violence issue.

Dan Szymborski: We’re talking about a 31-year-old who last played baseball at a level that suggested he could be in the majors about 2011

Dan Szymborski: I think ti’s very possible that Olivera’s already had more than half of his final MLB at-bat total

Duff Matty: A fangraphs article has suggestions for baseball players who deserve a movie. I’m totally game for Mordecai Brown! (Also, Santo already has a movie)

Dan Szymborski: Did they ever make a movie about Moe Berg?

Dan Szymborski: I’d love a dark comedy Billy Martin bio

Bobby: Isn’t Markakis truly a 4th OFer type on a contender? He might hit and get on, but overall he sucks. Who would want him?

Dan Szymborski: The problem is that he doesn’t really have defensive value

Dan Szymborski: If he could actually play a little CF, a 350/350 fourth outfielder is highly interesting

Dan Szymborski: I’d rather have Gerardo Parra at his contract and I don’t want Gerardo Parra at his contract

mtsw: How come Matt Bush gets away with “he served his time” but guys involved in domestic violence have to go through an additional suspension?

Dan Szymborski: Well, one could say that he didn’t get off scot free the way some of the others seem to have

Dan Szymborski: It would be easier to accept Jose Reyes if he had served three years in jail instead of an oops nevermind.

Oliver: Whats worse. Me participating in this chat, or my co-worker watching game of thrones?

Dan Szymborski: WORK HARD FOR THE MONEY SO THEY BETTER TREAT YOU RIGHT

Bobby: When will the Braves make the playoffs again? 2020-2021?

Dan Szymborski: That’s about the timeframe

Matt: With the Call-up of Joseph do the Phils cut Howard and move on finally?

Dan Szymborski: They really need to. Is playing Ryan Howard doing his legacy any favors?

Zorn: Is Pineda worth a roster spot at this point?

Dan Szymborski: In fantasy? Not really

Chris Sale: I know I’m for real, but is the rest of my team?

Dan Szymborski: To an extent. I had them in mid-80s for wins after all, so it’ snot like they’re a shocking cinderella team whern we’re talking under 40 games

Duff Matty: do fat people age poorly? despite switching to vegetarianism?

Dan Szymborski: Fat pitchers seem to be fine

ssf: Interesting note on Matt Bush unrelated to his backstory or the donnybrook last night: His fastball has so much spin on it PITCHf/x thinks it’s a slider

Duff Matty: What’s the difference between Odubel and Odibe?

Dan Szymborski: Odubel is the past tense, Oddibe the present.

Big Joe Montferrant: I just want the braves to trade Freeman so that we can start a Harper vs Braves HR counter

Matt: re: McCann… If you’re the Braves, why NOT go after him? They have a ton of options in the lower minors, and McCann/Flowers is an excellent receiving team.

Dan Szymborski: But again WHY

Dan Szymborski: WHY are some of you guys so obsessed with spending money and prospects to make the Braves better in 2016/2017? The Braves have essentially no chance at an improvement for 2016/2017 that has any kind of value to the present or future of the team.

Dan Szymborski: Let’s say I REALLY want to be elected president in 2016. It doesn’t matter what I do, because there’s no scenario that exists in any plausible sense in which I could be the president. It doesn’t matter if I REALLY want to be president or if me being president would cure cancer and invent faster-than-light travel, because there’s no even remotely realistic scenario in which it happens.

Dan Szymborski: And that’s true if I sell my house to hire a top notch political consultant. It’s still not happening, not matter how much I want it or how good it would be.

Dan Szymborski: Though note that this is a theoretical. I do not want to be president nor would I be a good one.

Omar207: How do you like Rick Porcello this year?

Dan Szymborski: I have to – otherwise people will find the tweet in which I said the Porcello extension was a fair price for the rest of my life

Joe: How did the Angels get here? Mismanagement, bad luck, combo?

Dan Szymborski: It takes a lot of foul ingredients from the culinary pantry of suck to bake this cake.

Erik: Are there rational reasons to keep playing Ryan Howard and not just cut him and accept the sunk costs? Are they still hoping to recoup trade value? Does this appearance of loyalty somehow help them sign other free agents in the future?

Dan Szymborski: There’s no value to trading him.

Dan Szymborski: Err, playing him

Dan Szymborski: Of course, they’re no value to trading him since there’s no value for anyone to play him.

Dan Szymborski: If ESPN Mag does a Writers Body issue and puts me in a speedo on the front page, they’re doing me about the same favor as the Phillies are in playing Howard in 2016

Chuncey Wiggins: What’s the grossest meal you’ve ever eaten?

Dan Szymborski: A piece of broccoli

Druidiful: I’m annoyed that I have to wait another 8 days before I can play Overwatch again.

Lucky: Markakis seems like a solid player still, a capable hitter, not horrible. An injury on a contender he’d be a good replacement. Or should the Braves just release him since he’s so damn worthless? I’d really love to get a response from the high and mighty Dan.

Dan Szymborski: How? He’s a 4th outfielder at best in quality.

Dan Szymborski: Capable hitter? His last .750 OPS was in 2012.

Dan Szymborski: Note that he’s not a centerfielder or a plus defensively at the corners

Dan Szymborski: Now, releasing him is pointless because they pay him anyway

Dan Szymborski: But the idea that they should be looking for a solid prospect ina straight up trade of his contract is pretty disrespectful to the abilities of the other 29 front offices

Dan Szymborski: Maybe the team lucks out, but if someone gives a top 20 prospect for Markakis in a straight-up trade, that’s their incompetence.

Dan Szymborski: Geez, I’m answering only about 20% of the Markakis comments. Is his fan club having all 10 members brigade FanGraphs today or something?

Sam: Is Dave Littlefield posting on your chat under multiple names? These Braves questions you’re getting are EXACTLY how he ran the pirates? SHOULD WE TRADE FOR MATT MORRIS?!

Dan Szymborski: OF COURSE HES MATT MORRIS WHAT THE WORST COULD HAPPEN BE?

Chicago Mark: Dang Dan! You keep answering the Markakis questions. Is there just too little of everything else?

Dan Szymborski: In my experience, if I dont’ answer questions on a topic I’m receiving a flood of, the flood never stops

Matt: Hypothetically, if you had a dog name Nick Bark-akis, you’d be silly to not trade him to your neighbor for their 3 best greyhounds, right?

Dan Szymborski: Naturally

Matt: Number of real-life GMs posing as fans in this chat looking for actual advice from you on how they should run their teams. Over/Under: .5

Dan Szymborski: Under

Dan Szymborski: Bridich is about 0.4 of a GM and he’s unlikely here.

Ken M: Any chance Big Papi gets dealt to a contender at the deadline?

Dan Szymborski: Now that’s just trolling.

Dan Szymborski: OK, Lightning Round Time

Dan Szymborski: The rules of the Lightning Round are simple: I must answer everything that is off-topic with the exceptions of a few categories (work-related, too personal). This continues until I either catch up or get bored. I usually catch up but if you guys are very talkative, I have work to do and can’t be here for the entire day

Dan Szymborski: AND GO

mathenaging ’16: do you have any interest in the new doom?

Dan Szymborski: Not particularly. That genre of FPS was more my cup of tea 20 years ago than today.

Sirras: Lightning round: Who wins in an all-MLB boxing tournament (round robin if it makes it easier to imagine)? Same answer for MMA?

Dan Szymborski: Everybody who faces AJ Pierzynski!

j6takish: Dan, do you have any off the radar suggestions for RPG’s for Snes/Ps1/Ps2, like no square products. Did you ever play Guardians Crusade? It was pretty good, but any description of it that you read is going to sound lame but it was a pretty good game

Dan Szymborski: How off-the-radar? Are Suikoden games off the radar or too prominent?

mtsw: When Portland is one day wiped off the map by Mount Hood erupting, will the news stories on the event have jokes about hipsters?

Dan Szymborski: Jokes before the event, but not after the first casualty.

Duff Matty: how much do you get paid to do a chat?

Dan Szymborski: Treasure chests full of jewels.

Ethan: Paul Rudd just got cast to play Moe Berg in an upcoming movie

Eddie Gaedel: Should make a movie about me! Peter Dinklage can play me.

Sam: W/r/t Bush and other DUI guys, alcoholism is also a treatable and curable disease. Most evidence suggests that domestic violence is pathological and men who beat women are “unfixable”. To me a guy like Bush deserves a second chance whereas Greg Hardy should not get one.

kris: I would vote for you, dan

Dan Szymborski: You should lose your vote if you vote for me.

Druidiful: I think if you becoming president allowed for FTL travel, I think you could make a pretty good case just on that point.

Dan Szymborski: Yeah, but I’d have to show it

Dock Ellis: Off Topic: Have you seen Requiem for an American Dream? Do you think that there will be a point where capitalism turns into dictatorships?

Dan Szymborski: I have not. And anything can turn into a dictatorship

Chuncey Wiggins: “Win with Szym” is a pretty good campaign slogan…it’s a lot better than “Symborski: Why notski?”

Dan Szymborski: “WTF ARE THOSE LETTERS ALL DOING TOGETHER? I’M NOT VOTING FOR THAT FAT GUY”

Sirras: Also Ruben Amaro Jr no longer runs a team, so he’s not here looking for advice either.

Matt: Numer of names the real Nick Markakis is subimtting all these Nick Markakis questions under. Over/Under: 3.5

Joe: Tom Boswell wrote that Mike Rizzo was worth 475 mil as a GM, saying he’s been worth +65 wins in his tenure. On a scale of insane to insane, how insane is that argument?

Dan Szymborski: It’s a little “rich”

Zach: Are you a rap fan? If so, have you listened to the new Chance The Rapper? It’s rather excellent and I highly recommend it

Dan Szymborski: Not really my thing

JBJ Fan Club: Battlefield 1 trailer got the juices flowing amiright

Dan Szymborski: I like old timey combat better than the futuristic type

Dan Szymborski: Unless it’s kind of the comic-type like in Overwatch

Neighbor: Why would I trade my 3 best greyhounds for a dog named Nick Bark-akis? I must be stupid, stupid, stupid.

Rob: Fan of coffee? Ever try the artisan-roasted goodness?

Dan Szymborski: I don’t drink much coffee. Maybe 3 or 4 cups a year

Matt: 83% ban on Malhazar on LOL. Will this hold up for awhile?

Dan Szymborski: It has already for awhile, no?

Dan Szymborski: People were calling for Malhazar nerfs for a long time

BritishCub: have you ever been to england and if so what was your favourite beer?

Dan Szymborski: I have, did not have a particular favorite

Dan Szymborski: I didn’t really have time for drinking the times I was there

Matt: I’m reading a book by Lawrence Krous that told me that nothing can move faster than the speed of light….except the expansion of space itself. And this there will be a point in the future where we think we see the end of the universe, but really…..THERE’S MORE!

BritishCub: for the rpg suggestion. legend of dragoon rocked

Sean: Ever play the Witcher series?

Dan Szymborski: Yes, 2 and 3

Duff Matty: Will you team up with me to produce a series of baseball movies? They will probably go straight to DVD/ESPN but they can still make money

Dan Szymborski: I know nothing about making movies

Dock Ellis: What position do you play in the Fangraph’s beer league softball team if they had one?

Dan Szymborski: I played second base as teenager. I’m surprisingly spry for a fat guy.

Henry Blinkler: Best weapon in video games? I’d take Kratos’ chainblades. Guns are overrated.

Dan Szymborski: Guns are more efficient

Matt: How many hotdogs could David Wells eat in a sitting?

Dan Szymborski: All of them

Shaun: Knicks or Angels, rest of decade?

Dan Szymborski: Angels

Dan Szymborski: they have Trout,

Dan Szymborski: You can’t ever completely count out a team that has Trout

Shaun: Trump or Clinton?

Dan Szymborski: Opening up my veins in a warm bath? I’m still figuring out the calculus honestly

Von Schloss: Are you going to play No Man’s Sky?

Dan Szymborski: Absolutely

Von Schloss: Worst part about doing laundry, folding it or putting it away?

Dan Szymborski: Like I fold my stuff

Dan Szymborski: There’s actually a long clothes hanger rod in my laundry room, so I have more of my clothes hanging in the laundry room than actually making it back upstairs to my bedroom

Bork: PSA for Suikodens. 2 > 5 > 1 > 3 > 4. They are independent of each other with minor references.

Dan Szymborski: There’s enough recurrent themes to play 1/2/3 in order though

Dan Szymborski: Now, you could play them chronologically, but then you’re playing 4 first and after playing Suikoden IV you may be too annoyed to try the others

Chuncey Wiggins: How long can you hold your breath?

Dan Szymborski: Never timed it but quite a long time. I’ve got the lungs of a greek god

Dan Szymborski: In orchestra in high school, I could play a sustained note on a tuba or euphonium for like a minute longer than anybody else

Dan Szymborski: Well, playing a breath instrument

Shaun: what should I eat for dinner?

Dan Szymborski: A sandwich sandwich. A sandwich between two other pieces of bread

TKDC: What is the worst sport that appears on U.S. television?

Dan Szymborski: Braves baseball

Matt: Favorite hat from the cerby?

Dan Szymborski: Cerby?

Matt: You have two options: 1) You can guarantee that someone who strictly follows classical liberal philosophy (different dialects will happen, but general liberty-mindedness will be guaranteed) will be the president for the next 6 cycles, but you HAVE to be the first one, or 2) eat a ham and broccoli sandwich. Which do you pick, Dan?

Dan Szymborski: The first. I don’t want to be president for a cycle, but I REALLY hate broccoli

Dancing Dan Mcgrewww: would you dance, if I asked you to dance?

Dan Szymborski: No

Matt: they buffed the crap out of Malhazar with patch 6.9

Dan Szymborski: But that was after a previous nerf

Matt: Moon Shaped Pool: I continue to not understand any Radiohead as of like 6 years ago onward.

Taveras’ Ghost: I heard that Rougned Odor will be fighting Floyd Money Mayweather at UFC 200

mtsw: Might be buying a dog soon. Should I name my dog “Manny” in honor of Manny Machado or will this make me hate the dog when he signs with the Yankees in 3 years?

Dan Szymborski: Don’t give dogs people names! They need dog names

Dan Szymborski: My cat Mercutio was originally named Jason by the ASPCA. WHY DO YOU NAME A CAT JASON

Dan Szymborski: YOU WOULDNT CALL A PERSON PAWS SCAGGS OR CHAIRMAN MEOW

Matt: Has Eno ever tried to start a Beergraphs fan league softball team to try to play against the Fangraphs beer league softball team?

Dan Szymborski: No idea

Chuncey Wiggins: Would you rather attend a private event in the Donald Duck sailor suit (also no pants) or give a lecture in the Mickey Mouse suit (shorts with no shirt)?

Dan Szymborski: Lecture

TKDC: What is the fastest time a healthy young adult could run a mile that you would call “slow”?

Dan Szymborski: I dunno, 9 minutes? I’ve run a 9 minute mile and I’m out of shape

mtsw: Ever play “Endless Legend?” I feel like I should like it more than I actually do.

Dan Szymborski: I have not – on my list but never got around to it

Von Schloss: Warrior or rogue?

Dan Szymborski: Warrior

JBJ Fan Club: Who’s more handsome, Tom Brady or Julian Edelman?

Dan Szymborski: Brady

Make WAR not Love: Favorite bubblegum? favorite kill move (Street Fighter 2, preferably)?

Dan Szymborski: Don’t actually like gum

Dan Szymborski: And the Vega dive when he climbs in the background

Ken M: Re: Markakis

any chance the Cubs acquire him, then sacrifice him to help rid the curse? Similar to a sign and trade. Acquire and sacrifice? Acquire and sacrifice.

Chuncey Wiggins: What’s the worst way to play Overwatch?

Dan Szymborski: On a Speak ‘n’ Spell. You’ll have a difficult time installing it

hscer: Seems more convenient actually. Like an open closet 2 feet from the machines.

OddBall Herrera: Ever read Wheel of Time? They are getting ready to announce a tv series on it…pretty exciting, Song of Ice and Fire can’t hold a candle to those books, but there’s a lot less rape and random violence, so it’ll probably be canceled after two weeks 🙁

Dan Szymborski: On my to-read

Matt: Mat latos has Cat Latos. Garret Jones (should) have Ferret Jones. Nick Markakis (probably) has Nick Bark-akis. Do you think Mike Trout has a pet fish? Named Mike Bass?

Dan Szymborski: If he’s Mike Trout, a Mike Trout fish should be a trout named Mike Person

Enzo Amore: Why don’t some republicans like Trump? Is it just because he’s not part of the club and they’re looking out for their own interests?

Dan Szymborski: I think it’s pretty obvious why some people wouldn’t like trump

rustydude: I eat about 4 oz of nuts per day. It’s advised to eat 1.5 oz. Will I be experiencing some reverse negative effect from eating too many or is their some secret hidden “good” effect from over-gorging?

Dan Szymborski: Mr. Peanut was a dude before he ate too many nuts

Guest: Jotcast or CIL?

Dan Szymborski: CIL had more features but Jotcast less likely to screw up

Matt: Did you know that, contrary to popular belief, the Greek Gods were among the worst entities in history at holding their breath?

Dan Szymborski: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LIE

Foonoo: Do you find the use of the possessive in reference to teams annoying? E.g. “My Mice have been clobbering the crap out of people, but their apologies have been far from succinct. Should we trade for a top tier apologist?”

Dan Szymborski: Mildly. I’m used to it by now.

Dan Szymborski: People do tie themselves up with the fortunes of their team in a way in which they feel part of it, so I try not to be a jerk about it, even if it annoys me

rustydude: As a self declared “fat guy”, do you operate under the principle that you can and will lose weight any time whenever you get serious about it?

Dan Szymborski: Yeah, but I’ve tested that. It’s scary how much weight I instantly lose if I lay off beer. Unfortunately, I really like beer.

Matt: Dan, Mercutio is a person’s in Romeo and Juliet.

Dan Szymborski: But a historical person!

Dan Szymborski: And a name we don’t use today

Dan Szymborski: Wouldn’t it be super weird if Mercutio’s name was “Hank” or something?

Matt: Is it considered cannibalism is Mike Trout eats a trout?

Dan Szymborski: no, he’s a proper name trout

Sean: Moon Shaped Pool is a breakup album

JBJ Fan Club: Pets named people names are hilarious. Imagine a cat named Hank

Dan Szymborski: A friend of mine had a cat named Ed

Guest: Top 3 movies of the past 5 yrs?

Dan Szymborski: Would have to have more time to think

Chuncey Wiggins: Chainsaw hands or woodchipper feet?

Dan Szymborski: Woodchipper feet. I really like having fucntional hands

Sean: and also, Malzahar*

twinmh: If you run for president this year, you could get millions of none-of-the-above votes. Go for it!

Matt: Is it normal to play through Hitman the second time trying to kill everyone in every level?

Dan Szymborski: To some. I’m not good at stealthy games because I’m impatient.

Matt: I disagree with your insights as to hot dog not being a taco (from last week), but I love vigorous debate, so I lay this one on you: Cheesecake is actually a pie. Thoughts?

Dan Szymborski: Probably accurate

Ken M: I want the context of you running a timed mile. I dont believe you

BritishCub: favorite final fantasy character? any game in series

Dan Szymborski: Delita Heiral

hscer: how long would you be out for after taking a punch from Rougned Odor?

Dan Szymborski: Dunno, I’m quite sturdy

Don the Jeweler: What’s worse in sportswriting: juvenile sexual innuendo from 50-something hacks, or reverence for baseball’s unwritten rules by washed up MLBers?

Dan Szymborski: They’re both pretty bad

Guest: Does OKC beat the warriors?

Dan Szymborski: No

Zorak: Bark-tolo Colon is the GOAT of baseball pet names

Don the Jeweler: Worse for America: Justin Bieber or Ted Cruz?

Dan Szymborski: Probably Bieber

rustydude: Is JP Arencibia the worst player to ever open his career with a 2 HR game?

Dan Szymborski: Would have to check

hscer: People use possessive pronouns with teams out of laziness. Same reason they call Major League players “bad” at baseball when they are top 1000 in the entire world, at worst.

War2d2: What are your thoughts on instant replay delays? Do you think there should be a time limit on reviews (“if you can’t reverse it when you first see it, the ruling on the field stands”), or are you more of a “always get it right” guy like Stark and Olney are?

Dan Szymborski: I want the plays right. Just do it iwthout the pomp and circumstance

Dan Szymborski: No need for official challenges.

Dan Szymborski: Just have a non-idiot in the booth make the call

Matt: I went to the airport on Monday with the expectaion of getting a Chicken Cheesesteak Breakfest Skillet at Johnny Rockets, and they got rid of the Concourse F/E Johnny Rockets in O’Hare. Blasphemy!

Mark: This summer will be my first year of company softball. I watch a lot of baseball so I’m familiar with strategy and whatnot, but I’ve never actually played softball in my life. I’m reasonably coordinated and athletic and in decent shape. What position should I play so as best not to make an ass of myself?

Dan Szymborski: First base

War2d2: Re: Mercutio/Hank: Prince Hal, Henry V. Pretty close.

JBJ Fan Club: Was your friend Rip Rowan? He had a cat named Ed

Dan Szymborski: No

War2d2: Also, my aunt had a cat named Mr. Ed. Like, the horse.

Matt: All a pie is is a cake without frosting!!!!

Foonoo: Could data and statistics revolutionize the way Brockian Ultra-Cricket is played?

Dan Szymborski: I don’t know what that is

Oliver: I have two cats: Walter and Dexter

Guest: Did the Russians dope up at the Olympics?

Dan Szymborski: This year? Probably note – Olympic testing is very rigorous

Don the Jeweler: Hot dog flavored taco, or taco-flavored hot dog? I go for the latter due to ease of eating.

Dan Szymborski: the latter, rather ruin hot dogs for me forever than tacos

Matt: We need another run of Twisted Metal!!!

hscer: I’d be out for a while. I guess I should volunteer that if I asked lol

Bork: Suikoden 3 disappointed me because I WANTED MORE FLIK DAMNIT

Dan Szymborski: The Luc storyline salvaged that game

Duff Matty: Did you know the girl from Jurassic Park is your fave on Game of Thrones?

Dan Szymborski: Wait, what?

Zorak: I got married a few weeks ago and my MIL gave my wife a book she found in her parents’ house from 1956 about how to be a good wife. In it are a number of recipes, including one for a “Hot Dog Bun Sandwich”. I have always been on team not-a-sandwich, but if 1956 housewives say it is…

Chris: OH Final Fantasy Tactics Reference! Best FF!

Don the Jeweler: Robot umps are the future – no judgement bias!

Dan Szymborski: Yes. We could have robots now for location

Danny Almonte: Rather have lips for hands or hands for lips?

Dan Szymborski: Th elatter

Danny Almonte: Why don’t you play Halo more?

Dan Szymborski: Well, for one, Halo 2 was the last one on a platform I own

Matt: Favorite RPG of all-time?

Dan Szymborski: Suikoden II or Final Fnatsy VI

Danny Almonte: WHY WON’T MVP BASEBALL COME BACK!?!?!?!

Dan Szymborski: Licensing

Szczur Izturis: “Dog my Cat” Jed Clampit

Don the Jeweler: What game would you recommend to a non-gamer who grew up with NES?

Dan Szymborski: If you’re a non-gamer why am I recommending a game?

Oliver: Percentage we at least get proof of some Alien life form in the next 100 years? (more cat like creatures vs bacteria and such at the minimum)

Dan Szymborski: 10% of some kind of life, <1% of some humanoid type of alien life

hscer: More likely to happen: Dairy Queen making a hot dog flavored taco, or Taco Bell making a taco flavored hot dog? Both actually seem potentially inevitable to me.

Dan Szymborski: Taco Bell does really weird things sometimes

Dan Szymborski: I don’t know enough about Dairy Queen

Blue: Yogg Soroth most fun card in Hearthstone now?

Dan Szymborski: It’s a lot of fun

Matt: Meowsabub

Petey: Best book you’ve read recently?

Dan Szymborski: Finally got around to If the Allies had Fallen which I really enjoyed

HULLO!: what game are you most looking forward too before the end of the year? Also did you play Dark Souls 3?

Dan Szymborski: No Man’s Sky, have not

Ace: If you were me and I were you, would you use my body to get to the top?

Dan Szymborski: Don’t know pros and cons of your body

Ball: Can only play 1 game the rest of your life, what is it?

Dan Szymborski: Crusader Kings II

hscer: By the way, is “potentially inevitable” a legitimate turn of phrase? I think it is because something could be inevitable with no one recognizing it, right?

Dan Szymborski: No

Josh: What % do you give to a Mike Trout trade this year?

Dan Szymborski: 1

Matt: Did you ever think about the fact that Dairy Queen and Burger King might actually be the hidden monarchy behind our fake democracy?

Dan Szymborski: It’s possible

Don the Jeweler: 85% of the “food” at 7-Eleven is in the shape/form of a hot dog. Just sayin’. As for a question… how many days in a row could you eat only 7-11 products?

Dan Szymborski: None, mys tomach would kill me

Oliver: Wheres a new Crash Bandicoot game????

Dan Szymborski: No idea

James: It is normal to come home from work and curl up and eat an entire box of Oreos while crying into a Curious George stuffed animal at age 26?

Dan Szymborski: Yes

Dan Szymborski: END

Dan Szymborski: CASUGHT UP

Dan Szymborski: Now go away

Dan Szymborski: Thanks for coming everyone! As a reminder, you can read my work in baseball and eSports at ESPN.com, chats and projections here at FanGraphs, and DSzymborski on Twitter

Dan Szymborski: Now go explain to your creator why you just frittered away two precious hours of your life.