Someone’s excited to watch the Rays tonight.

This edition of One Night Only contains:

1. Expanded previews for three games: Texas at Tampa Bay, Cleveland at Toronto, and Milwaukee at Cincinnati.

2. Brief, but no less charming, previews for four more games: San Francisco at St. Louis, San Diego at Atlanta, Astro Jordan Lyles’ major-league debut and Florida at Arizona.

3. Names like Jose Bautista, Zack Greinke, and then Jose Bautista, again — just for fun.

4. Pitcher and Team NERD scores for every one of tonight’s games.

5. Five numbered points!

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This is a day for remembering.

This edition of One Night Only is celebrating Memorial Day, and is, as the French say (after translating the expression into English), “very brief.”

Nevertheless, please find Pitcher and Team NERD scores for every one of today’s games after the jump.

Please also find that Rodrigo Lopez — despite the fact that he’s making his Cub debut — receives only a NERD of 5 (instead of 10, as season debuts usually receive).

“Because he’s Rodrigo Lopez,” is the answer to the question you needn’t actually ask.

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Shaun Marcum unfairly obscures the center-field batter’s eye with heavenly white light.

This edition of One Night Only contains:

1. Expanded previews for six games — including many italicized points.

2. Pitcher and Team NERD scores for every one of this weekend’s games (using the highly experimental and dangerous pitcher-heavy method discussed recently).

3. Matter over mind. Way over it.

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Milwaukee’s Betancourt: Most likely not a human vessel for evil.

This edition of One Night Only contains:

1. Expanded previews for two games: Cincinnati at Philadelphia and Chicago (AL) at Toronto.

2. Pitcher and Team NERD scores for every one of tonight’s games (using the highly experimental and dangerous pitcher-heavy method discussed recently).

3. All of the –ologies put together.

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Atlanta’s Mike Major (né Minor) starts in place of Tim Hudson this afternoon.

This edition of One Night Only contains:

1. Expanded previews for three games (two of which begin momentarily): Atlanta at Pittsburgh, Washington at Milwaukee, and Cincinnati at Philadelphia.

2. Pitcher and Team NERD scores for every one of tonight’s games.

3. Weather-related action video!

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Arizona’s Josh Collmenter is among the league leaders in Capital-J Joy.

This edition of One Night Only contains:

1. Expanded previews for three games: Arizona at Colorado, Boston at Cleveland, and Toronto at New York (AL),

2. Pitcher and Team NERD scores for every one of tonight’s games.

3. More images than usual, so’s to distract the reader from a lack of actual content.

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Chase Utley did a one-man adaptation of P.G. Wodehouse’s Jeeves and Wooster stories.

This edition of One Night Only contains:

1. Expanded previews for two games: Cincinnati at Philadelphia and Los Angeles (NL) at Houston.

2. Shorter, but no less charming, previews of three more games: Boston at Cleveland, Tampa Bay at Detroit, and Seattle at Minnesota.

3. Pitcher and Team NERD scores for every one of tonight’s games.

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Scholarship!

This edition of One Night Only contains:

1. White-hot previews for six games, including examinations of the Ohio Cup, the Bay Bridge Series, and the (recently neologismed) Puke Cup.

2. Pitcher and Team NERD scores for every one of this weekend’s games.

3. Big-time gravitas.

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“Hey, guys. Remember how I’m really good at baseball? Yeah, me too.”

This edition of One Night Only (from a super-extra-special guest host!) contains:

1. Expanded previews for two games: a matchup of aces in Boston, and a West Coast rivalry game featuring two solid young pitchers.

2. Additionally, find enclosed brief previews for three other, only slightly less titillating tilts: Atlanta at Arizona, Chicago (AL) at Cleveland, and Milwaukee at San Diego.

3. Pitcher and Team NERD scores for every one of tonight’s games.

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Prospect Danny Duffy, making his major-league debut tonight, has done a lot of work with exhaling.

This edition of One Night Only contains:

1. Expanded previews for two games: prospect Danny Duffy’s debut and prospect Julio Teheran’s second-ever start.

2. Brief, but no less charming, previews for three other games: Colorado at Philadelphia, Tampa Bay at Toronto, and Chicago (NL) at Florida.

3. Pitcher and Team NERD scores for every one of tonight’s games (using the highly experimental and dangerous pitcher-heavy method discussed recently).

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