Did the Red Sox Just Reset the Market for Relievers?

The sabermetric movement has grown up over the last decade. A thing that you regularly hear now that you maybe wouldn’t have heard 10 years ago is this: I don’t know. So that’s where we start today. We don’t know what the going rate for ace relief pitchers is. That said, we do have one strong data point following this weekend’s trade of Craig Kimbrel by the Padres to the Red Sox, and it suggests that the cost to grab one of the best relievers in baseball is now substantial, akin to what it might have cost to get an ace starter some years ago.

Kimbrel is an elite relief pitcher, but it was surprising to see Boston acquire him for four prospects, including two top-50 prospects in outfielder Manuel Margot and shortstop Javier Guerra. On top of that already substantial talent the Red Sox tossed in starting pitcher Logan Allen and infielder Carlos Asuaje. That’s a ton of young talent to give up for anyone, let alone for three years of a reliever. It looks quite possibly as though the Red Sox have reset the cost for acquiring a top reliever. But have they?

FanGraphs’ own Dave Cameron echoed that sentiment shortly after the trade was announced, writing the deal was “a pretty remarkable group of prospects to acquire for any player, much less a relief pitcher.” So yeah. Yikes. But as is often the case during this time of year, we struggle to figure out the new market. It’s likely not uncommon, if you go back through the archives of pick-your-baseball-site, to find articles about how “Team X overpaid for Player Y,” either through free agency or in a trade. The thing is, some of those articles likely are based on an old understanding of market value, as the concept changes each offseason.

This isn’t to disagree with Dave. Not at all. In fact, I happen to think that the Red Sox overpaid wildly, but there is still the chance that this is the new normal, this is what the market will now bear for a relief ace of Kimbrel’s quality. Perhaps the Royals’ success in the playoffs these last two seasons has inextricably altered the price of and the way teams view ace relievers. We’ll know more after Aroldis Chapman is dealt, as he most assuredly will be soon, but for now we’re left to wonder if that is the case or if new Boston GM Dave Dombrowski overshot things by a substantial margin.

If this is the new normal, if this is what the market will bear, there are a few other teams that might want to alter their plans and quickly throw their relief aces out to see what fantastic riches they’ll fetch. Would they be able to return similar packages? And, if so, would those packages necessarily represent evidence of a greater value for relief aces.

Well, there’s a neat way we can begin to answer this question, and that’s to look back on a similar trade — namely, the other Craig Kimbrel trade. You see, Kimbrel was dealt a year ago from Atlanta to the Padres. As Ken Rosenthal put it at the time, “the Padres bought Craig Kimbrel for $53.35 million, two prospects and the 41st pick of the June draft.” He explained that figure further later on in the same article:

The Padres’ added $53.35 million obligation is the difference between the amount they owe Kimbrel and Melvin Upton and the amount they off-loaded by moving Cameron Maybin and Carlos Quentin to the Braves.

As Rob Neyer pointed out afterwards, those two prospects referenced in the earlier quote aren’t entirely extraneous. Well, then-19-year-old outfielder Jordan Paroubeck probably was, but then-22-year-old starting pitcher Matt Wisler was ranked 34th in Baseball America’s top 100, so he had (and continues to have) some real value.

So if we accept Rosenthal’s Matt Wisler-plus-$53.35 million figure, the question then becomes, did the Red Sox give up more value to the Padres than the Padres did to the Braves? Helpfully, Kevin Creagh and Steve DiMiceli studied the history of Baseball America top 100 lists and the value the players listed on it accumulated in their careers to give us an answer!

To begin, a note about Allen and Asuaje: they aren’t without value but neither appeared on BA’s list. There’s a shot Allen could, with a good season, make the top 100 next offseason, but he hasn’t yet, and we’re only concerned with value at the moment the deal is consummated, so just know those two aren’t being factored into the dollar figure. If you’re curious, our own Chris Mitchell projected Asuaje’s career value at 1.3 WAR (not enough is known yet about Allen, what with his being a recent draftee).

As for the big guys going to San Diego from Boston, the Padres got Margot who BA’s Ben Badler had in his top 50, putting his surplus value at $20.3 million. But, if you go by Kiley McDaniel’s more recently updated rankings (he did an update mid-season), Margot is in the top 25 prospects in all of baseball (MLB.com agrees with Kiley) which would move his value to $38.3 million. Guerra is in the back end of the top 100, so his value is estimated at $11.6 million.

Add that up (I’m going to use McDaniel’s more updated figure) and you get a total value of $49.9 million. That roughly matches Rosenthal’s figure calculating what the Padres took on for Kimbrel last year. But then you also have to add in Wisler’s value at the time. Creagh and DiMiceli value Wisler, as the 34th-ranked prospect and a pitcher, at $18.7 million. Add that figure to Rosenthal’s $53.35  and that means the Padres actually gave up $72 million in value to acquire four seasons of Kimbrel. And that doesn’t count the value of a competitive balance pick, nor does it value Melvin Upton as anything but a sunk cost. But the important part isn’t necessarily squaring each dollar, as long as we find ourselves in the general vicinity.

There’s one thing I haven’t mentioned yet and that is the issue of years of control. The Padres bought four years of Kimbrel, but then they used one up before they traded him to Boston. We know there is more value associated with more years of control, so given that, we can say that the Red Sox should have paid 75% of what the Padres did because they’re getting Kimbrel for 75% of the time. Recall that the Red Sox gave up $49.9 million in value in Margot and Guerra, and then a little more in Allen and Asuaje. The Padres gave up $72 million in value, and $54 million is 75% of $72 million. In other words, the teams gave up almost identical value on a per-season basis! This means that, if you accept the validity of those figures, the Red Sox might still have overpaid (I still think they did) but they didn’t reset the market for ace relievers in doing so.

When I started writing this piece, I did it because I was eager to show the Red Sox overpaid and the value of a great relief pitcher was now higher than ever and therefore every team in creation should turn around and trade their best relievers as quickly as possible before the Dave Dombrowskis of the world figured out what was going on. As it turns out, the Red Sox paid roughly the going rate for Craig Kimbrel, or at least what Kimbrel cost a year ago. So, uh, never mind.

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7 years ago

Weird. It’s almost like you have to give up something to get something most of the time.

7 years ago
Reply to  SonOfElGuapo

Only about 2.5 times what Miller and Robertson cost last aeason. Nothing to see. Nothing to question.

Listen to what THE rest of us have to say, troll below:
7 years ago
Reply to  Buns

Get the F@#$%! off this website!!!

7 years ago


7 years ago
Reply to  SonOfElGuapo

Hi, babe.
– I have something for you.
– What is it?
-Just a little something.
– [ Laughing ]
Here you go.
Oh.Johnny, it’s beautiful.
Thank you.
– You wait right here.
– Mmm.
– I’m gonna try it on right now.
– Mm-hmm.
[Johnny ]
Wow. You look so sexy, Lisa.
– Isn’t it fabulous?
– I would do anything for my girl.
– Oh, hey, guys.
– Oh, hi, Denny.
– Wow. Look at you.
– It’s from Johnny.
Anything for my princess.
[ Laughing ]
– How much was it?
– Denny, don’t ask a question like that.
Nice to see you, Denny.
I’m going to take a nap.
– Can I go upstairs too?
– [ Laughs ]
– Denny, I think I’m gonna join him.
– [ Laughs ]
[ Lisa ]
I’ve got some candles upstairs.
You always think.
[ Laughs ]
All right. I’m ready.
[ Lisa ] This is so great.
I can’t wait for you to get it off of me.
– [ Laughing ]
– [Johnny ] Oh,yeah.
– You’re in for it.
– Oh,yeah.
How much you pay
for this dress?
Don’t even ask.
[ Laughing ]
– Ouch.
– [Johnny Continues Laughing ]
– [ All Laughing ]
– [ Denny ] Stop.
Stop. No, stop.
Get up.
Denny, do you have
something else to do?
I just like
to watch you guys.
Oh, Denny, Denny.
Denny boy.
Denny, two’s great,
but three is a crowd.
– I get it. You guys wanna be alone.
– That’s the idea.
Fine. I have homework
to do anyway.
Bye, lovebirds.
– Bye, Denny.
– Bye, Denny.
– [ Laughing ]
– Come here.
Oh, Lisa, you know.
Oh, yeah.
– [ Chuckling ]
– [ Murmurs ]
‘It’d be a shame ‘
‘Living in this world without you ‘
‘ There’s nothing
I wouldn’t do for you ‘
‘ You are my fantasy dream
come true ‘
[ Laughing, Moaning ]
‘ When I see your face ‘
– ‘It stirs up my emotions ‘
– [ Chattering ]
‘ Your style and grace ‘
‘It inspires my devotion ‘
‘ There’s nothing
I wouldn’t do for you ‘
‘ You are my fantasy dream
come true ‘
‘ Oh, oh ‘
‘And I will stand in the way
of a bullet ‘
‘I will run through
a forest offlames ‘
‘I will climb
the highest of mountains ‘
‘Just to show you I love you
I will ‘
‘I will stand in the way
of a bullet ‘
‘I will run through
a forest offlames ‘
‘I will climb
the highest of mountains ‘
‘Just to show you I love you
I will ‘
‘I will, I will ‘
‘I will, I will ‘
‘I will, I will ‘
‘I will, I will ‘
‘I will, I will ‘
‘I will, I will ‘
‘I will, I will ‘
‘I will, I will ‘
[ Moaning ]
‘And I will stand in the way
of a bullet ‘
‘I will run through
a forest offlames ‘
‘I will climb
the highest of mountains ‘
‘Just to show you I love you
I will ‘
– ‘I will stand in the way of a bullet ”
– [ Moaning ]
– [ Gasps ]
– [ Sighs ]
– Oh.
– Mm.
[ Murmuring ]
[ Alarm Clock Beeping ]
[ Alarm Clock Beeping ]
– [ Beeping Stops ]
– [ Moans ]
[ Sniffing ]
Did you like last night?
– Yes, I did.
– [ Laughs ]
Can I get you anything?
– Mm-mmm. I have to go now.
– Okay.
– Bye.
– Bye.
Hi, Mom. How are you?
I’m fine. How are you?
Okay. Let’s go to the couch.
And we will sit down.
what’s happening with you?
– Hmm?
– Nothin’ much. Do you want some coffee?
What’s wrong? Tell me.
I’m not feeling good today.
Well, why not?
I don’t love him anymore.
Why don’t you love him anymore?
Tell me.
He’s so… boring.
You’ve known him
for over five years.
You’re engaged.
You said you loved him.
He supports you.
He provides for you.
And, darling,
you can’t support yourself.
He’s a wonderful man,
and he loves you very much.
And his position is very secure.
And he told me
he plans to buy you a house.
That’s why he’s so boring.
– Well, what are you going to do?
– I don’t know.
I don’t mind living with him.
Well, you can’t do that.
Have you talked to him about it?
– I don’t know what to do.
– He’s a wonderful person.
And he’s getting a promotion
very soon.
He bought you a car.
He bought you a ring, clothes-
whatever you wanted.
Now you wanna dump him.
That’s not right.
I’ve always thought of him
as my son-in-law.
You should marryJohnny.
He would be good for you.
– I guess you’re right about that.
– Of course I’m right.
I know men.
I wasn’t born yesterday.
I’m glad you’re listening
to your mother.
Nobody else listens to me.
You’re probably right
about that, Mom.
Well, I’m glad you’re
listening to your mother.
Listen, I’ve gotta go.
But you remember
what I told you, okay?
– Bye-bye, now.
– [ Door Opens ]
[ Door Closes ]
Thanks, Mom.
[ Beeping, Line Ringing ]
– Hello?
– Hey, baby. How you doin’?
Oh, hey. How you doin’?
Yeah, I’m very busy. What’s goin’ on?
I just finished talking
to my mom.
She gave me this big lecture
– We’ll talk about it later. I told you I’m very busy.
– We’ll talk about it now.
Whenever you say
we’ll talk about it later, we never do.
I can’t wait till later.
I wanna talk right now.
You owe me one anyway.
Okay. All right, what do you
want to talk about?
She’s a stupid bitch.
She wants to control my life.
I’m not gonna put up with that.
I’m gonna do what I wanna do,
and that’s it.
What do you think I should do?
Why do you ask me? You’ve been
very happy with Johnny.
What do you want me to say?
You should enjoy your life.
What’s the problem?
Maybe you’re right.
Can I see you tomorrow?
Okay. All right.
How about noon?
– I’ll be waiting for you. Bye.
– All right, see ya.
[ Bell Clanging ]
[ Doorbell Rings ]
[ Doorbell Rings ]
– Hi. How you doin’?
– Hi. I’m fine. Come in.
Have a seat.
”[ Background ]
[ Wine Pouring ]
Thank you.
It’s hot in here.
– Do you mind?
– No.
I mean, the candles…
the music, the sexy dress.
I mean, what’s goin’ on here?
I like you very much,
lover boy.
What are you doin’ this for?
What’s the matter?
Don’t you like me?
I’m your girl.
Johnny’s my best friend.
– You’re gonna be married next month. Come on.
– [ Sighs ]
Forget… aboutJohnny.
This is between you… and me.
I don’t think so.
I-I’m leaving now.
Please don’t leave.
Please don’t leave.
I need you. I love you.
I don’t wanna get married anymore.
I don’t loveJohnny.
I dream about you.
I need you
to make love to me.
I don’t think so.
Everything’s gonna be fine.
I promise.
Oh. Oh, yeah.
‘ Your touch ‘
‘Pulling fire out of me ‘
‘ Your touch ‘
‘Like a wave crashing on the sea ‘
‘ Your kiss ‘
‘As gentle as a summer breeze ‘
– ‘ Your love is what I need to set me free ‘
– [ Moaning ]
‘A rose ‘
‘Is what ‘
‘ You are ‘
‘ To me ‘
‘ The smell ‘
‘ Of wonders ‘
‘ Oh, so sweet ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– Oh, Lisa.
– ‘A rose ‘
– ‘A rose to me ‘
– ‘ To me, to me ‘
– ‘ To me ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘My rose ‘
– ‘My rose, my rose ‘
– ‘Baby ‘
– ‘Baby, baby, baby ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘A rose ‘
– ‘A rose ‘
‘A rose to me ‘
– ‘ To me, to me ‘
– ‘ Yes,you are ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘My rose ‘
– ‘My rose ‘
– ‘Baby ‘
– ‘Baby ‘
– ‘Baby ‘
– ‘ Yes,you are ‘
Oh, yes.
‘ You are my rose
You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose
You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose
You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose
You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose ”
[ Sighs ]
God. Why did you do this to me?
[ Sighs ]
Johnny’s my best friend.
Didn’t you enjoy it?
That’s not the point.
I love you, Mark.
Look, you’re very attractive.
All right? You’re beautiful.
But we can’t do this anymore.
I can’t hurtJohnny.
I know.
He’s your best friend.
Hey. This’ll be our secret.
– Hi.
– [ Woman ] Can I help you?
Yeah. Can I have
a dozen red roses, please?
Oh, hi,Johnny.
I didn’t know it was you.
– Here you go.
– That’s me. How much is it?
– It’ll be $1 8.
– Here you go. Keep the change.
– Hi, doggy.
– You’re my favorite customer.
– Thanks a lot. Bye.
– Bye-bye.
Yeah. Deliver it.
Yeah. Deliver it.
Half Canadian bacon with pineapple…
half artichoke with pesto,
and light on the cheese.
– Thanks.
– [ Beeps ]
– [ Doorbell Rings ]
– Who is it?
– Hey, Denny. How are you doing?
– I’m fine. What’s new?
Actually, I’m really busy.
Do you want something to drink?
No, thanks.
I just wanna talk toJohnny.
You look beautiful today.
– Can I kiss you?
– You are such a little brat.
I’m just kidding.
I love you and Johnny.
Okay, okay.Johnny’s gonna
be here any minute.
– You can wait if you want.
– Mm, I gotta go.
– You’ll tell him I stopped by.
– Of course I will.
– Bye.
– Bye, Denny.
Hi, babe.
These are for you.
Thanks, honey.
They’re beautiful.
– Did you get your promotion?
– Nah.
You didn’t get it, did you?
That son of a bitch told me
that I would get it within three months.
I saved them bundles. They’re crazy.
I don’t think I will ever get it.
They betrayed me.
They didn’t keep their promise.
They tricked me,
and I don’t care anymore.
Did you tell them
how much you save them?
Of course. What do you think?
They already put my ideas into practice.
The bank saves money,
and they are using me. And I am the fool.
I still love you.
– You’re the only one who does.
– At least you have friends.
I didn’t get any calls today.
You’re right. The computer business
is too competitive.
Do you want me
to order a pizza?
– Whatever. I don’t care.
– I already ordered a pizza.
[ Chuckling ]
You think about everything.
What’s the matter?
You all right?
It’s just a lousy promotion.
You know what you need?
You need a drink.
I don’t drink.
You know that.
[ Chuckles ]
Don’t worry about it.
It’s good for you.
You must be crazy.
I can’t drink this.
If you love me,
you’ll drink this.
[ Chuckles ]
You’re right. It tastes good.
I know. I am right.
Don’t worry about those fuckers.
You’re a good man.
Drink, and let’s have some fun.
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Glass Shatters ]
You have nice legs, Lisa.
[ Laughing ]
And you have nice pecs.
[ Laughing ]
I’m tired. I’m wasted.
I love you, darling.
– Come on. Make love to me.
– [ Groans ]
Come on. You owe me one.
I love you, Lisa.
I love you,Johnny.
[ Both Laughing ]
[ Moaning ]
– Mm.
– [ Chuckling ]
‘I see you walkin’by,yeah ‘
‘I hear your lullaby ‘
‘It seems to reel me in ‘
‘ Yeah,yeah ‘
– ‘ You really got me good from ‘
– [ Moaning ]
‘From just one little look now ‘
‘All my mind can do is spin ‘
‘I’m goin’crazy
crazy thinkin’about you ‘
‘ Crazy, so crazy about you ‘
– ‘ Crazy, wantin’you with me ‘
– [ Both Moaning ]
‘I’m goin’crazy
crazy thinkin’about you ‘
‘ Crazy, so crazy about you ‘
‘I need you here with me ”
‘I need you here with me ”
So, I’m organizing a party
forJohnny’s birthday.
– Can you come?
– [ Mother ] When is it?
Next Friday at 6:00.
It’s a surprise.
– Oh.
– You can bring someone if you want.
Well, sure, I can come,
but I don’t know if I’ll bring anybody.
Oh, that jerk, Harold.
He wants me to give him
a share of my house.
That house belongs to me.
He has no right.
I am not giving him a penny.
– Who does he think he is?
– He’s your brother.
He is always bugging me
about my house.
Fifteen years ago, we agreed
that house belongs to me.
Now the value of the house is going up,
and he’s seeing dollar signs.
Everything goes wrong at once.
– Nobody wants to help me, and I’m dying.
– You’re not dying, Mom.
I got the results of the test back.
I definitely have breast cancer.
Look, don’t worry about it.
Everything will be fine.
– Mm.
– They’re curing lots of people every day.
I’m sure I’ll be all right.
Oh. I heard Edward
is talking about me.
He is a hateful man.
Oh, I’m so glad I divorced him.
Look, don’t worry about it.
You just concentrate on getting well.
Well, at least you have a good man.
You’re wrong.
Mom, he’s not what you think he is.
He didn’t get his promotion,
and he got drunk last night.
And he hit me.
Johnny doesn’t drink.
What are you talking about?
He did last night,
and I don’t love him anymore.
Johnny is your financial security.
You can’t afford to ignore this.
Yeah, okay, Mom.
Can I just talk to you later?
You don’t want to talk to me.
I just got done
talking with a client…
and I have to get ready
to meet him.
– Can I just talk to you later?
– Okay.
I will see you later.
– Bye-bye.
– Bye.
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
How much time do we have?
– I don’t know. Uh, couple hours.
– [ Chuckling ]
At least.
Well, let’s have some fun.
Did you, uh, know…
that chocolate
is the symbol of love?
[ Chuckling ]
Feed me.
– That’s delicious.
– [ Chuckling ]
Arms up.
Chocolate is a symbol of love.
– [ Door Opens ]
– Hello?
– [ Door Opens ]
– Hello?
– [ Lisa Laughing ]
– What are these characters doing here?
– They like to come here to do their homework.
– What homework?
Mom, this is Michelle’s boyfriend, Mike.
Mike, this is my mother.
– It’s a pleasure to meet you.
– Mm.
[ Sighs ]
All that shopping wore me out.
– Hey, Lisa.
– Hey, Denny.
Denny, this is my mom.
Mom, this is Denny.
How many people come in
and out of this apartment every day?
This is worse
than Grand Central Station.
– I just need to borrow some sugar.
– Help yourself,Denny.
I also need a cup of flour
and a half a stick of butter.
– Doesn’t your home have a kitchen?
– I’ll come back later.
[ Door Closes ]
– Tell me, what does Denny do?
-Johnny wanted to adopt Denny.
It’s really a tragedy how many kids
out there don’t have parents.
When Denny turned 1 8,Johnny found him
a little apartment in this building…
and he’s paying for it
until he graduates from school.
Johnny really loves Denny
even though he doesn’t say it much.
He’s, like, a father figure to him.
I told you, Mom.Johnny is very caring
about the people in his life.
And he gave Denny
his own set of keys to our place.
Please, don’t hurtJohnny.
Now, if you really don’t love him, so be it.
But you should tell him.
I forgot my, uh, book.
Oh! What-What’s this?
– [ Both Laughing ]
– Oh. That’s-That’s nothing. Really.
– [ Laughing ]
– Homework. [ Sighs ]
Don’t worry about it.
If I were a burglar,
you would be my best friend.
Look, I don’t wanna
talk about it.
You know I worry about you.
– Oh. I have to go home.
– Okay, Mom.
– Bye-bye.
– [ Mouths Words ]
– [ Door Opens, Closes ]
– [ Sighs ]
Oh, my God.
Hey, Denny.
I’ve been lookin’ for you.
Yeah, sure you have.
You have my money, right?
Yeah. It’s comin’.
It’ll be here in a few minutes.
[ Basketball Bouncing ]
What do you mean
it’s coming, Denny?
Where’s… my money?
Just give me five minutes.
-Just give me five.
– Five minutes?
You want
five fuckin’ minutes, Denny?
You know what?
I haven’t got five fucking minutes!
[ Crying, Whimpering ]
I’m gonna ask you again, Denny.
– Where’s my money?
– I don’t have anything.
– Where’s my money, Denny?
– [ Whimpering Continues ]
Where’s my fucking money, Denny?
– What did you do with my fucking money?
– I swear to God. It’s coming.
– Where’s my fuckin’ money, Denny?
– Put the gun down.!
My fucking money.!
Where’s my fucking money, Denny?
What’s with this guy?
Get off!.
– [ Shouting ]
– You’re fuckin’ dead, Denny!
– What’s going on here? Somebody help!
– [ Shouting Continues ]
– Let’s take him to the police.
– You’re fucking dead!
Denny. Are you okay?
– What did that man want from you?
– Nothing.
Oh, that was not nothing.
– Tell me everything.
– You have no idea what kind of
trouble you’re in here, do you?
– I owe him some money.
– What kind of money?
– I owe him some money.
– What kind of money?
– Everything is okay. He’s gone.
– Everything is not okay.
– Denny, that is a dangerous man.
– [ Sobbing ]
Just calm down.
He’s going to jail.
– Denny, what kind of money? Just tell me!
– What do you need money for?
Mom, please!
Denny’s with me and Johnny!
A man like that, with a gun.
My God!
Denny, look at me in the eyes
and tell me the truth.
– We’re your friends.
– I bought some drugs off of him.
– [ Mouthing Words ]
– Things got mixed up.
I didn’t mean this to happen.
– [ Sobbing ] Denny!
– And I don’t have them anymore.
– What kind of drugs, Denny?
– It doesn’t matter. I don’t have them anymore.
It doesn’t matter? How in the hell
did you get involved with drugs?
Were you giving them to him?
Selling them to him?
-Where in the hell did you meet that man?
-What kind of drugs do you take?
– It’s nothing like that.
– What the hell is wrong with you?
I just needed some money
to pay off some stuff.
How much do you
have to give him?
– This is not the way you make money.
– How much?
Stop ganging up on me!
Well, it is time somebody
ganged up on you. For God’s sake!
A man like that! Where in the hell
did you meet a man like that?
– It doesn’t matter.
– It matters a great deal.
A man holds a gun on you. You almost got killed.
You expect me to forget that?
You’re not my fucking mother!
– You listen to me, little boy!
– No, no! No, don’t!
Somebody had better
do something around here.
– [ Crying ]
– It’s okay.
Are you okay, Denny?
– I’m okay. I’m okay.
– Are you okay?
What’s okay?
He’s taking drugs.
– Come on, stop. It was a mistake.
– A mistake. That he takes drugs.
– Let’s go home.
– Come on. It’s clear.
– What’s clear? I am going to call the police.
– Mom, stop.
– It was Denny’s mistake.Just stop.
– Let’s go.
– Why did you do this? You know better, right?
– I’m sorry.
– Why?
– I’m sorry.
You know better, Denny.
You almost got killed.
– I’m sorry.
– [ Sighs ]
It won’t happen again. I promise.
Denny, you know thatJohnny’s
like your father.
And we’re your friends.
We’re gonna help you.
Let’s go home.
[ Lisa ]
I miss you.
[ Lisa ]
I miss you.
I just saw you.
What are you talking about?
I just wanted to hear
your sexy voice.
I keep thinking about
your strong hands around my body.
It excites me so much.
I love you.
Is Johnny there?
He’s… in the shower.
I don’t understand you.
Why do you do things like this?
Because I love you.
You just don’t care, do you?
No, I do care.
But we agreed.
It’s over between us.
I understand.
It’s our secret.
But I still have feelings for you.
– You just don’t care.
– I do care.
I have to go now.
I’ll see you later, darling.
– Don’t call me that.
– Okay. Bye.
[ Phone Beeps ]
I did not hit her.
It’s not true.
I did not hit her.
It’s not true.
It’s bullshit!
I did not hit her. I did not.
Oh, hi, Mark.
– Hey,Johnny. What’s up?
– I have a problem with Lisa.
– She said that I hit her.
– [ Sighs ] What?
– Well, did you?
– No. It’s not true. Don’t even ask.
– What’s new with you?
– I’m just sittin’ up here thinkin’, you know.
– I got a question for you.
– Yeah?
You think girls
like to cheat like guys do?
What makes you say that?
I don’t know.
I’m just- I’m just thinkin’.
I don’t have to worry about that,
because Lisa’s loyal to me.
Yeah, man, you never know.
People are very strange these days.
I used to know a girl.
She had a dozen guys.
One of’em found out, beat her up so bad
she ended up in a hospital on Guerrero Street.
[ Laughing ]
What a story, Mark.
You can say that again.
I’m so happy I have you as my best friend,
and I love Lisa so much.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, you are very lucky.
Maybe you should have a girl, Mark.
Yeah. Yeah, maybe you’re right.
Maybe I have one already.
I don’t know yet.
What happened?
Remember Betty? That’s her name?
– Betty?
– Yeah.
Yeah, we don’t
see each other anymore.
She wasn’t any good in bed. She was beautiful,
but we had too many arguments.
That’s too bad.
My Lisa is great when I can get it.
Aw, man.
I just can’t figure women out.
Sometimes they’re just too smart.
Sometimes they’re flat-out stupid.
Other times they’re just evil.
It seems to me
like you’re the expert, Mark.
No, definitely not an expert,Johnny.
What’s bothering you, Mark?
– Nothin’, man.
– Do you have some secrets?
– Forget it. Forget it, dude.
– Why don’t you tell me?
– Is it some secret? Tell me.
– Forget it. I’ll talk to you later.
Well, whatever.
– Hey,Johnny.
– Hi, Denny.
– What’s wrong with Mark?
– He’s cranky today. [ Laughing ]
Girl trouble, I guess.
– What’s new with you?
– Not much.
– Still goin’ to the movie tonight?
– Oh, sure. We are.
What kind of movie
are we gonna see?
Well, we’ll see-
[ Clicks Tongue ]
Denny, don’t plan too much.
It may not come out right.
All right.
Let’s toss the ball around.
Gotta tell you about somethin’.
Shoot, Denny.
– It’s about Lisa.
– Go on.
She’s beautiful.
She looks great in her red dress.
– I think I’m in love with her.
– Go on.
I know she doesn’t like me,
because sometimes she’s mean to me.
But sometimes,
when I’m around her…
I feel like wantin’ to kiss her
and tell her that I love her.
I don’t know.
I’m just confused.
[ Clicks Tongue ]
Denny, don’t worry about that.
Lisa loves you, too, as a person…
as a human being, as a friend.
You know,
people don’t have to say it.
They can feel it.
What do you mean?
You can love someone
deep inside your heart…
and there is nothing
wrong with it.
If a lot of people
loved each other…
the world would be
a better place to live.
– Lisa’s your future wife.
– Denny, don’t worry about it.
You are part of our family,
and we love you very much.
And we’ll help you anytime.
And Lisa loves you, too,
as a friend.
You are sort of like her son.
You mean you’re not upset
with me?
No, because I trust you,
and I trust Lisa.
– What about Elizabeth, huh?
– Well-
– I love her.
– Mm-hmm.
When I graduate from college,
get a good job…
I wanna marry her
and have kids with her.
– That’s the idea.
– You’re right.
Thanks for paying my tuition.
You’re very welcome, Denny,
and keep in mind…
if you have any problems,
talk to me, and I will help you.
– Awesome. Thanks,Johnny.
– Let’s go eat, huh?
– Come on. Let’s go.
– [ Chuckles ]
– Let’s go, huh? I’m starving.
– [ Chattering ]
So, how’s Johnny?
So, how’s Johnny?
– He didn’t get his promotion.
– Oh. Is he disappointed?
Quite a bit.
He got drunk last night.
– [ Sighs ] And he hit me.
– He hit you?
He didn’t know
what he was doing.
Are you okay?
– Well, I don’t wanna marry him anymore.
– What?
Johnny’s… okay,
but I found somebody else.
[ Chuckles ]
Lisa. This isn’t right.
You’re living with one guy,
and you’re sleeping with another guy?
I’m doing what I wanna do.
Well, who is he?
His best friend.
And he lives in this building.
I can’t believe
you’re telling me this.
It’s Mark, isn’t it?
[ Exclaims ]
Lisa, you know what?
You’re just thinking about yourself.
Somebody’s gonna get hurt.
You’ve gotta be honest with Johnny.
I can’t do that.
He would be devastated.
If you care so much for him,
why cheat on him?
Look, I really don’t know
what to do.
I love Mark.
I don’t have any more feelings
[ Sighs ] Johnny is so excited
about this wedding.
– I know.
– You’ve got to tellJohnny.
No guilt trips.
You don’t feel guilty
about this at all?
No. I’m happy.
[ Sighs ]
Something awful is gonna happen.
Please don’t tell anybody.
[ Sighs ]
Don’t worry. You can trust me.
Don’t worry. You can trust me.
– [ Door Opens ]
– Your secret is safe with me.
Hello, Michelle. I heard you.
What secret?
– It’s between us women.
– Hi,Johnny.
Did you get a new dress?
Um, well,
I guess I’d better be going.
Uh, I’ll just
talk to you guys later?
Excuse me.
Lisa, remember what I told you.
[ Mouths Words ]
[ Door Closes ]
– What’s she talking about?
– It’s girl talk. I just told you that.
I never hit you.
You shouldn’t have any secrets from me.
I’m your future husband.
You sure about that?
Maybe I’ll change my mind.
– Don’t talk like that. What do you mean?
– What do you think?
Women change their minds
all the time.
[ Laughing ]
You must be kidding, aren’t you?
I don’t wanna talk about it.
I’m gonna go upstairs
and wash up and go to bed.
How dare you
talk to me like that?
– You should tell me everything.
– I can’t talk right now.
Why, Lisa? Why, Lisa?
Please talk to me.
You’re part of my life.
You’re everything.
I could not go on
without you, Lisa.
You’re scaring me.
You are lying!
I never hit you!
You are tearing me apart, Lisa!
– Why are you so hysterical?
– Do you understand life?
Do you?
Don’t worry about it.
Everything will be all right.
You drive me crazy.
Good night,Johnny.
Don’t worry about it.
I still love you.
Good night, Lisa.
– Hey,Johnny. What’s goin’on, man?
– Hi, Mike. What’s new?
– Hey,Johnny. What’s goin’on, man?
– Hi, Mike. What’s new?
– How you doing?
– Um, actually,Johnny…
– I- I got a little bit of a tragedy on my hands.
– Uh-huh.
Yeah. Me and Michelle,
we were-we were makin’ out.
Uh, at your place.
– [ Chuckles ]
– And, uh, Lisa and Claudette sort of,uh…
walked in on us
in the middle of it.
– That’s not the end of the story.
– Go on. I’m listening.
We’re goin’ at it, and, um,
I get out of there as fast as possible.
I get my pants, I get my shirt,
and I get outta there.
Then about halfway down the stairs,
I realize that I-
I have misplaced-
I’ve forgotten something.
– Mm-hmm.
– Uh, my underwear.
– [ Laughing ] I know.
– So, I come back to get it,
and I pretend I need a book.
I’m lookin’ for my book. I reach in,
put the underwear in my pocket…
and sort of slide out real quick.
Claudette- She saw it
sticking out of my pocket.
She pulls it out, and
she’s showing everybody me underwears.
You must be kidding.
Underwear- I got the picture.
– Yeah. I don’t know what-
– That’s life.
– Hey,Johnny. Hey, Mike.
– Oh, hey, Denny.
– What’s up, buddy?
– Wanna play some football?
I gotta go see Michelle in a little bit
to make out with her.
– I’m sorry.
– Come on.
– Come on. Football.
– You think I’m-All right. Whatever.
– Let’s go for it.
– I’m goin’ out.
– All right.
– Yeah. Sorry you had to see that.
– I’m not sorry.
– [ Laughing ]
– Your turn. Almost as much as I was.
– Studying, right?
– Come on, guys.
– I don’t study like that.
– He doesn’t.
– [ Laughing ]
– [ Yawns ]
– Denny, what’s up?
– What’s up, Mark?
– Hi, Mark.
– Catch it.
– Not too much. What about you guys?
– Uh-
– [ Denny ] He’s just tellin’us
about an underwear issue.
– Dude, it’s-
– Underwear? What’s that?
– It’s embarrassing, man. I don’t wanna get into it.
– Underwear, man?
– [ Grunts ]
– You okay?
– Are you okay?
– Yeah, I’m fine.
– You sure?
– Uh-huh.
– Do you want to see a doctor?
– No. No, no, no.
I’m good.
I’m all right. I’m fine.
– I’ll take him home.
– Why don’t you take him home?
Mike, listen. If you need anything,
call me. Anytime, all right?
– You gonna be all right?
– Yeah.
– See you guys.
– See you guys.
[ Sighs ]
Let’s go home, Denny.
You look really tired today, Mom.
Are you feeling okay?
– I didn’t get much sleep last night.
– Why not? What’s wrong?
– You remember my friend, Shirley Hamilton?
– Uh-huh.
She wants to buy a new house…
and so I asked Johnny if he could
help her with the down payment.
All he can tell me is,
“”It’s an awkward situation.”
I expected your husband
to be a little more generous.
– He’s not my husband.
– I know.
ButJohnny is part of our family.
Mom, I don’t loveJohnny anymore.
[ Sighs ]
I don’t even like him.
– I had sex with someone else.
– You can’t be serious.
– You don’t understand.
– Who?
Who is it?
– I don’t wanna talk about it.
– You don’t want to talk about it.
– Then why did you bring it up in the first place?
– I don’t know.
You don’t know.
If you think I’m tired today,
wait till you see me tomorrow.
Coming to the party?
Sure. I suppose so.
How can they say this about me?
How can they say this about me?
I don’t believe it.
I’ll show them.
I’ll record everything.
I don’t understand women.
Do you, Peter?
What man does?
– What’s the problem?
– They never say what they mean.
And they always play games.
Okay, um, what do you mean?
I have a serious problem with Lisa.
Um, I don’t think she’s faithful to me.
In fact, I know she isn’t.
Lisa? Are you sure?
Yeah, I’m sure. I overheard a conversation
between Lisa and her mother.
What should I do, Peter?
– This is Lisa we’re talking about?
– Yeah.
– I don’t know what to say.
– But you are a psychologist.
Do you have some advice?
It’s a complicated situation,Johnny.
I mean, you’re my friend, and I don’t
wanna get between you and Lisa.
But look, if you want to,
you should confront her.
I can’t confront her.
I want to give her a second chance.
After all, she’s my future wife.
You know what they say-
Love is blind.
You got a lot of faith in Lisa.
Sometimes life gets complicated.
The unexpected can happen.
– When it does, you just gotta deal with it.
– [ Doorbell Rings ]
Did you hear the door?
Yeah. I did.
– Oh, hi, Mark. Come in.
– Oh, hey,Johnny.
Hey, Peter.
We’re just talking about women.
Women, man.
Women just confuse me.
[ Sighs ]
I have a girl, but she’s married.
She’s very attractive.
It’s just- It’s driving me crazy.
Why didn’t you mention this before?
Is it anyone I know?
– No, man. You don’t know her.
– Can I meet her?
I don’t think so.
It’s an awkward situation.
You mean she’s too old, or you think
I would take her away from you?
– [ Chuckles ]
– Huh?
I have my own problems.
Tell me about your problems,Johnny.
Peter, you always
play psychologist with us.
Look, I’m just your friend,
and I’m just worried about you.
Lisa’s teasing me about whether
we are going to get married or not.
And we didn’t make love
in a while…
and I don’t know what to do.
[ Peter ]
You never really know. I mean-
Look, you should tell her
about your feelings. Okay?
You shouldn’t hide ’em.
You two have been together forever.
– You can work out anything
as long as you talk about it.
– Not always.
People are people. Sometimes
they just can’t see their own faults.
I’m thinking of moving to a bigger place,
man. I’m making some good money.
You should tell her the truth.
You’re doing this for your girl, right?
You’re right, Peter.
[ Laughs ]
– Is she getting a divorce, Mark?
– You guys are too much.
Hey, are you running
Bay to Breakers this year?
– I am, sure.
– No, I’m not doing it this year.
[ Laughs ] Chicken, Peter.!
You’rejust a little chicken.!
Cheep-cheep-cheep cheep!
– [ Continues Mocking ]
– Who are you calling a chicken?
I just don’t like all the weirdos.
There’s too many weirdos there.
I-I-I don’t mind.
Mark, do you remember the one
with the big tits? The blondie one?
– How about the one with the
bridal gown, with the sign?
– Oh, yeah- “”Can you marry me?”
[ Laughs ] I thought I would
take her up on it.
– I never ate so much.
– The barbecue chicken was delicious.
Rice. That was cool.
You guys prove my point-
You’re both weird.
You guys wanna play cards?
No, we can’t.
I expect Lisa any minute.
Come on, man.
Who’s the king of the house?
You gotta establish these guidelines
before you get married.
How did you ever meet Lisa?
You never told us.
That’s a very interesting story.
When I moved to San Francisco
with two suitcases, I didn’t know anyone.
I have- I hit Y.M.C.A….
with a $2,000 check
which I couldn’t cash.
– Why not?
– Well, because it was an out-of-state bank.
Anyway, I was working
as a busboy in a hotel…
and, uh-
uh, she was sitting…
drinking her coffee.
She was so beautiful.
And I say “”Hi” to her.
That’s how we met.
So, what’s the interesting part?
Well, the interesting part is
that on our first date, she paid for dinner.
– What? No tips from your job?
– Whatever.
Do you guys
wanna eat something?
Hey, guys. What’s going on?
– Oh, hey, Lisa.
– Hi, Lisa.
– Where’s Johnny?
– In the kitchen.
I gotta go.
I didn’t mean to chase you off.
Wish you’d stick around for a while.
I gotta work early.
See ya.
– Did you get your wedding gown yet?
– No. I’ve got plenty of time.
Are you sure you have plenty of time?
It’s only a month away.
It’ll be fine.
What are you so worried about?
Everything’s okay.
Johnny doesn’t seem very excited.
Is there a problem?
There’s no problem.
Why do you ask?
I just want you and Johnny
to be happy.
I am happy.
Look, Denny, I need to talk toJohnny.
Okay? I’ll see you later.
– Okay. Tell him I said hello?
– Yeah.
Hey, Mark. What’s up?
Oh, hey, Peter.
It’s a good place
to think up here, isn’t it?
What, man?
You wanna put me on the clock?
What the hell is that?
You want some?
It’s good, bro.
You know I don’t smoke that stuff.
[ Sighs ]
You look depressed.
I got this sick feeling
in my stomach, man.
I did something awful.
I don’t think I can forgive myself.
Tell me about it.
I just feel like-
like running…
killing myself.
Something crazy like that.
Why are you
smoking that crap?
It’s no wonder you can’t think straight.
It’s gonna screw with your head.
It’s none of your business, man.
You think you know everything.
– You don’t know shit.
– Wait a second. Who do you think you are?
You’re acting like a kid.
Just grow up.
Who you calling a kid?
Fuck you!
Just chill out, Mark.
I’m just trying to help.
You’re having an affair with Lisa,
aren’t you?
– Am I wrong?
– What?
What are you, nuts?
[ Grunts ]
I’m sorry, man.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I’m fine.
Let’s just talk
about your problem.
– You sure you’re okay?
– Yeah.
Goddamn it, man. Fuck!
Why do you want
to know my secret, man?
Well, you’re right.
It’s Lisa.
I don’t know what to do, man.
I’m so depressed. It’s all her fault.
She’s such a manipulative bitch!
– How the hell did you let this happen?
– Fuck!
You know this is gonna ruin
your friendship with Johnny.
What were you thinking?
All right,you want my advice?
Sometimes life can get complicated…
and you’ve gotta be responsible.
So you don’t see Lisa again, and you
definitely don’t sleep with her again.
Just find yourself another girl.
She’s a sociopath.
She only cares about herself.
She can’t love anyone.
Whatever, Peter. Come on.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah. Thanks a lot.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah. Thanks a lot.
Oh, hi, Denny.
Nice tux!
You look great!
– You look really handsome.
– [ Laughs ]
– Your wedding picture’s gonna look great.
– Oh, thanks.
[ Doorbell Rings ]
Hey, Peter. Come on in.
– Hi, guys.
– Hey, Peter. Come in.
– You look good too.
– Sit down.
[ Doorbell Rings ]
– Whoa!
– [Johnny ] Whoa.!
Hey, guys.
– You like it?
– Yeah. It looks good.
You look great.
You look like a baby-face now.
You guys
wanna play some football?
In tuxes? No.
You gotta be kidding.
– Come on, Mark. Let’s do it.
– I’m up for it.
– [ Laughs ]
– Ask Peter.
– Come on, Peter!
– No, I don’t think so.
– Please?
– Nope.
– Come on!
– No.
– [ All ] Cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep!
– Whoo!
– Yeah!
– Whoo!
– Yeah!
Catch,Johnny! Whoo!
Yeah! Nice snag!
All right, Peter!
Here we go, Mark!
Come on! Come on!
Come on!
– Ohh!
– Yeah!
– Catch, Mark!
– Go.
Go deep!
[ Grunts ]
Gee, Peter, you’re clumsy.
All right, that’s it. I’m done.
Great idea, Denny.
[ Groans ]
[ Woman ] I’m gonna get
a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water.
I’ll have a large peanut butter whip
with extra whipped cream, please.
– All right.
– And I’ll take some cheesecake and a coffee.
Okay. Have a seat.
We’ll have that right out for you.
Hi. How you doing?
What would you like?
– Can I get a bagel and an Americana?
– Great. Sure.
I’m gonna get a slice of cheesecake
and a bottle of water.
Sounds good. Have a seat.
We’ll have that right out for you.
– Hi, Susan.
– Hi,Johnny. How are you?
– Good to see you. What would you like?
– Hot chocolate, please.
– What size?
– Medium, please.
– How about you?
– I’ll have the mint tea.
– Medium also?
– Yeah.
Go sit down.
We’ll be right there.
I’m so tired of girls’ games.
What happened now, Mark?
Relationships never work.
I don’t know why I waste my time.
What makes you say that?
It’s not that easy,Johnny.
Well, you should be happy, Mark.
Yeah, I know. Life is too short.
– Oh, thank you, Susan.
– You’re welcome.
How ’bout somethin’
like cheesecake?
– No.
– Not today.
It’s real good. All right.
– How was work today?
– Oh, pretty good.
We got a new client,
and the bank will make a lot of money.
– What client?
– I cannot tell you. It’s confidential.
– Aw, come on. Why not?
– No, I can’t.
Anyway, how’s your sex life?
I can’t talk about it.
Why not?
– [ Susan ] Take your time.
– Oh, God, I have to run.
– Already?
– Yeah, I’m sorry.
– It’s on me.
– See you, Mark.
– You wanna go jogging?
– Sure. What time?
– Golden Gate Park, 6:30.
– Right on.
– All right? See ya.
– Okeydokey, pal.
What’s going on here?
I like you very much, Mark.
Come on.
Johnny’s my best friend.
Just one more time.
[ Giggles ]
[ Moaning ]
[ Laughs ]
”[ Women Vocalizing ]
[ Woman ]
‘I couldn’t picture ‘
‘Spending life with anyone but you ‘
‘And we wouldn’t be here ‘
‘If it weren’t for all the things
we’ve been through ‘
‘And my heart wouldn’t beat if ‘
Oh, yeah.
‘If you didn’t come and save me ‘
‘ With your love ‘
‘ You are the reason I breathe ‘
‘ You are my everything ‘
‘In your eyes I can see ‘
‘Baby,you are the one for me ‘
– [ Moaning Continues ]
– [ Man ] ‘I can’t imagine ‘
‘Sharing love with no one
in this world but you ‘
‘It’s so exciting ‘
‘ When you’re here with me ‘
‘And I am here with you ‘
‘My heart couldn’t beat if ‘
‘If it wasn’t for
your warm and tender touch ‘
‘ You are the reason I breathe ‘
‘ You are my everything ‘
‘In your eyes I can see ‘
‘Baby,you are the one for me ‘
[ Woman ]
‘Even though at times ‘
‘It’s been hard ‘
‘ We’ve conquered winds and storms ‘
[ Man ]
‘And our hearts will always be one ‘
[ Together ]
‘ Until the very end ‘
‘ Very end ‘
‘ Ohh ‘
‘ You are the reason I breathe ‘
‘ You are my everything ‘
‘In your eyes I can see ‘
‘Baby,you are the one for me ‘
‘ You are the reason I breathe ”
”[ Fades ]
– Hey.
– Hey,Johnny. How’s it going?
Really good.
[ Chattering ]
– What’s going on,Johnny?
– Not much.
– [ Chattering ]
– Oh, yeah!
Throw it, dude.
Throw it.
– What’s new with you, man?
– Not much, man.
– Catch this!
– All right!
Whee! Ooh-whee!
Oh! Oh, yeah!
Catch this,Johnny!
[ Both Chattering ]
Right on, man.
– What’s new with you, man?
– I’m doin’good.
– How’s your work?
– Things are good.
Try and catch me!
Come on- Ohh!
[Johnny ]
Ha-ha! I got you!
– Oh, man!
– There you go!
– [ Doorbell Rings ]
– Who is it?
[ Mark ]
Delivery man.
It’s me, Lisa.
Come on. Open up.
Come on in.
Hey, Mark.
Wow. So, uh,
you gonna be ready?
How do you mean that?
I’m always ready… for you.
I mean for the party.
We have plenty of time.
All I have to do
is put on my party dress.
– Come on.
– What are you doing?
You’re so beautiful.
[ Banging On Door ]
– Hurry up. I have to open the door.
– Wait! Hang on. Hang on.
Come on in. It’s open.
[ Chuckles ]
I brought the stuff.
I knew I could count on you.
Hi, Mark. X-Y-Z.
What are you talking about?
– Examine your zipper.
– [ Giggles ]
You guys are too much.
So, what can I do to help?
I gotta go.
[ Both Giggling ]
– Come on and help me move the coffee table.
– Okay.
What was he doing here?
Ah, he just brought by
some take-out.
What about his zipper?
What about his zipper?
Leave him alone.
He’s a good guy.
Did you tellJohnny yet?
[ Sighs ]
No. Mark’s his best friend.
Tricky, tricky.
You know,
I really loved Johnny at first.
Everything’s changed.
I need more from life
than whatJohnny can give me.
Suddenly my eyes
are wide open…
and I can see everything so clearly.
I want it all.
You think you can
get it all from Mark?
If he can’t give me what I want,
somebody else will.
Lisa, you’re sounding
just like your mother.
You’re being so manipulative.
So what? You can
learn something from me.
You have to take
as much as you can.
You have to live, live, live.
Don’t worry about me.
I have everything covered.
Your point of view
is so different from mine.
Look, I don’t wanna talk about it.
People are gonna be getting here soon,
and we have to finish.
I don’t see what the big deal is.
Doesn’t everybody
look out for number one?
Don’t I deserve the best?
I couldn’t do that.
You’re too much for me, Lisa.
You know, you’re not
such an angel yourself.
– Yeah, but we’re not talking about me, are we?
– [ Both Giggling ]
Stop it!
Are you trying to ruin my party?
[ Giggling Continues ]
– Live fast, die young, man.
– Yeah, you’re right.
– Live fast, die young, man.
– Yeah, you’re right.
– Yeah. That’s the idea.
– Yeah!
[ Grunting, Panting ]
Catch me! Come on!
I’m looking at this property
in Sausalito.
How are the loans like these days?
Pretty good. Yeah.
You’ll be qualified.
– You serious?
– Yeah, I’m sure.
– When can we meet about that?
– We can talk about this tomorrow.
– Tomorrow?
– Yeah.
– I can come in, like, in the late afternoon?
– Absolutely. 8:00?
Really? Right on. That’s great.
Bye, Lisa.
Oh, hi, Claudette.
– Oh!
– Bye!
– Uh-huh!
– Hello, Mom. How are you?
I’m okay. How are you?
I’m fixing the apartment forJohnny’s birthday,
but I’m really not into it.
Oh? Why not?
‘Cause I’m in love with Mark,
And here I am planning his party.
It’s not right, Lisa.
I still think
you should marryJohnny.
Now,you can’t live on love.
You need financial security.
But I’m not happy.
He still thinks
I’m gonna marry him next month.
He’s a fool.
You expect to be happy.
I haven’t been happy
since I married my first husband.
I didn’t even want
to marry your father.
You never told me that.
Well, it’s true.
All men are assholes.
Men and women use and abuse each other
all the time. There’s nothing wrong with it.
Marriage has nothing
to do with love.
Johnny’s okay, I suppose.
I have him wrapped
around my little finger.
You should be happy then.
– But I don’t love him.
– [ Sighs ]
Don’t throw your life away
just because you don’t love him.
That’s ridiculous!
You need to grow up,
and you need to listen to me.
Mom, I’ll see you at the party.
– I just need to be alone right now.
– Mmm.
Bye-bye, my precious.
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
[ All ]
[ Laughing ]
Happy birthday to you
– Happy birthday to you
– Hey. Oh, wow!
Happy birthday, dearJohnny
Wow. All right.
Thank you, thank you.
– Happy birthday to you
– All right, I’m blushing.
[ Cheering, Chattering ]
– Cheers!
– Happy birthday!
Thank you.
You guys pre- Hey!
– So, were you surprised?
– Yeah, I’m surprised. That’s right.
– Well-
– [ Chattering Continues ]
Thanks a lot again.
Thank you. Thanks. Hey!
– Wanna drink this one?
– [ Mutters ]
Yeah, later. Later.
– Later?
– Yes.
– ”[ Rock ]
– [ Chattering Continues ]
[ Chattering ]
That’s, like, the third time
you’ve told me that joke tonight.
Now, listen, have you given
any more thought to-
[ Laughing ]
– I know you think I’m awfully bold-
– No, it’s okay.
Well,you know,
I don’t want to be a pest…
but we have to help her.
Oh, yeah. [ Laughs ]
I’m just f-
[ Laughs ]
[ Giggles ]
[ Claudette ]
That’s what friends are for.
[ Claudette Continues, Indistinct ]
[ Claudette ]
It’s up to us, as her friends…
to give her a little boost
when she needs it.
That’s all I had to say.
One of my little speeches.
[ Laughs ]
Hey, everybody,
let’s go outside for some fresh air.
[ Guests ]
Yeah.! Yeah.!
I have something
I wanna show you.
Oh, really?
So, uh, what do you
want to show me?
It’s a surprise.
What are you doing?
Are you crazy? Everybody’s here.
No, they’re not.
They’re all outside.
[ Giggles ]
You devil.
You planned this all along.
What’s going on here?
Why are you doing this?
I love him.
I don’t believe it.
You don’t understand anything.
Leave your stupid comments
in your pocket!
Do you understand
what you’re doing?
You’re going to destroyJohnny.
He’s very sensitive.
I don’t care.
I’m in love with Mark.
How can you do this?
You make me sick.
– [ Laughing ]
– Hey!
Thank you, honey.
This is a beautiful party.
You invited all my friends.
Good thinking!
You’re welcome, darling.
– You know how much I love you.
– I do.
[ Chuckles ]
It’s getting really hot in here.
– Why don’t we go back outside.
– Uh-huh.
[Johnny Chuckles ]
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
Hey, everybody!
I have an announcement to make!
– We’re expecting!
– [ Chattering, Exclaiming ]
That’s great!
Hey! Thank you.
Lisa, I have to talk to you.
You have got to be honest
with Johnny.
I agree with that.
Look, I’m gonna tell him. Okay?
I just- I don’t want
to ruin his birthday.
When is the baby due?
– There is no baby.
– What?
– What?
W-What are you talking about?
[ Sighs ]
I told him that
to make it interesting.
We’re probably gonna
have a baby eventually anyway.
You’re not gonna tellJohnny,
are you?
Lisa, are you feeling okay?
Because this is just
getting worse and worse.
I feel like I’m sitting on an atomic bomb,
waiting for it to go off.
Me too. I mean,
there’s no simple solution to this.
Don’t worry. You guys worry
entirely too much about me.
We’re not worried about you.
We’re worried aboutJohnny.
You don’t understand the psychological impact
of what you’re doing here.
You’re hurting yourself.
You’re hurting our friendship.
I am not responsible forJohnny.
I’m through with that.
I’m changing.
I have the right, don’t I?
People are changing all the time.
I have to think about my future.
What’s it to you?
This is going to pull us all down.
It’s gonna shake up
our group of friends.
It’s gonna destroy our friendship, Lisa.
I don’t think Mark really loves you.
I don’t wanna talk about it!
Lisa, you’re gonna have to face it.
I, for one, am gonna have a hard time
forgiving you if you don’t.
Hey, everybody!
Let’s go inside and eat some cake!
– That’s a good idea.!
– [ Guests Chattering, Exclaiming ]
I don’t understand you, Lisa.
[ Sighs ]
– Mmm!
– Mm-hmm.
– Mmm!
– Mm-hmm.
– Lisa looks hot tonight.
– What do you mean, “”hot”?
– Sorry about what happened.
– That’s all right, darling.
I’ll- I’ll help.
Whose baby is it?
Is it mine?
No, of course not.
– How can you be sure?
-Just stop asking me stupid questions.
– Who the hell do you think you are?
-Just shut up!
What are you doing?
What’s going on here?
– You really don’t know, do you?
– Maybe I know more than you think I do, Mark.
– Shit! All right?
– What do you want from me?
Stop! Stop! Stop it!
All right. All right!
Okay, folks everything is fine.
The fight is over.
I’m sorry, Mark.
Yeah. Me too.
Lisa, can-
Can you clean up here, please?
[ Exhales ]
What are you doing?
None of your business.
– You’re my future wife. What are you doing, Lisa?
– Leave her alone, man.
– She doesn’t want to talk to you.
– Since when do you give me orders?
– Since Lisa changed her mind about you.
– [ Scoffs ]
Wake up, man!
What planet are you on?
I think you should
leave right now.
Don’t spoil it.
We were just having fun.
Don’t worry about it, man.
Don’t touch me, motherfucker.
Get out.
– Stop it! Stop it!
– Leave my girl alone!
You two are acting like children.
– Son of a bitch.
– You’re gonna ruin the party.
If you’d keep your girl satisfied,
she wouldn’t come to me.
Get out of my house.
I’ll kill you!
I’ll break every bone
in your body.!
– Stop it!
– I’ll kill you, you bastard!
– You couldn’t kill me if you tried.!
– You betrayed me!
You’re not good. You’rejust a chicken.
-Johnny, chill out! It’s over!
– Shut up!
– Cool it! It’s over!
– Shut up!
It’s not over.! Everybody betrayed me.!
I’m fed up with this world.!
I cleaned up the kitchen,
so you don’t have
to worry about that.
He still won’t come
out of the bathroom.
Sweetheart, he’s upset.
Now,Johnny is a sensible man.
He will come out. You will discuss this.
Everything is going to be okay.
I just think I should be
alone with him right now.
I understand, sweetheart.
I’m going to go home now.
– Bye-bye. You call me if you need me.
– I will.
– Thanks, Mom.
– Mm-hmm!
You can come out now,Johnny.
She’s gone.
In a few minutes, bitch.
Who are you calling a bitch?
You and your stupid mother.
[ Beeping ]
[ Line Rings ]
– Hello?
– Hi, Mark.
I need to talk to you.
– What’s going on?
– Don’t worry aboutJohnny.
He’s just being a big baby.
You know,
I love you very much.
I love you.
Why don’t you
ditch this creep?
I don’t like him anymore.
I know. He’s not worth it.
Why don’t I come up there
and be with you?
Sure, baby. Come on up.
I want your body.
You got it.
– I’m on my way. Bye.
– Bye.
Who were you talking to?
– Nobody.
– We’ll see about that.
We’ll see about that.
[ Mark ]
[ Lisa ]
Hi, Mark. I need to talk to you.
[ Mark ]
What’s going on?
[ Lisa ] Don’t worry aboutJohnny.
He’s just being a big baby.
You know,
I love you very much.
You’re the sparkle of my life.
I can’t live without you. I love you.
You little tramp.
How could you do this to me?
I gave you
seven years of my life…
and you betray me.
– We’ll see what else we have on this tape.
– No! Stop.
You little prick.
I put up with you for seven years.
You think you’re an angel.
You’re just like everybody.
I treat you like a princess,
and you stab me in the back.
I love you, and I did anything for you
to just please you.
And now you betray me!
How could you love him?
– [“”Play'”Button Clicks ]
– [ Mark ] Why don’t you just ditch this creep?
I don’t like him anymore.
[ Lisa ]
I know. He’s not worth it.
Why don’t I come up there
and be with you?
[ Mark ]
Sure, baby. Come on up.
I want your body.
– [ Lisa ] You got it.
– [ Screams ]
Everybody betrayed me.
I don’t have a friend in the world.
I’m leaving you,Johnny.
Get out. Get out!
Get out of my life!
[ Shouts ]
[ Shouts ]
Why, Lisa? Why? Why?
[Johnny Continues Shouting ]
You bitch!
[ Shouts ]
[ Shouting Continues ]
You bitch! You bitch!
Screw the whole world!
I don’t need them!
[ Grunting ]
[ Cries ]
[ Groaning ]
[ Moaning ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Shouting ]
You little tramp.
[ Grunting Continues ]
– I put up with you-
– [ Grunts ]
[ Groans ]
Why? Why is this
happening to me? Why?
It’s over.
God, forgive me.
Everything’ll be all right.
[ Hammer Clicks ]
Good night,Johnny.
[ Gunshot Echoing ]
Wake up,Johnny!
Come on!
Is he dead?
[ Sobbing ]
My God. Mark, is he dead?
[ Gasps ]
Yes, he’s dead.
Yes, he’s dead!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
I’ve lost him,
but I still have you. Right?
You don’t have me.
You’ll never have me.
You killed him.
Mark, we’re free to be together.
I love you.
I love you.
You tramp.
You killed him.
You’re the cause of all of this.
I don’t love you.
Get out of my life, you bitch!
– What’s happening?
– Don’t look, Denny.
Johnny’s dead!
[ Whimpering ]
Wake up,Johnny! Please!
Please! It’s not right!
It’s not right.
[ Sobbing ]
Denny, he’s in a better place.
Leave us!
Both of you leave.
As far as I’m concerned,you can
drop off the earth. That’s a promise.
Just leave! Both of you!
Leave him, all right?
Let him be with him!
Why? Johnny, why?
[ Denny Sobbing ]
[ Sirens Wailing ]
[ Sirens Continue Wailing ]
[ Denny, Lisa Sobbing ]
– [ Woman ] What’s happened?
– [ Man ] Is everything okay?
– [ Sirens Grow Louder ]
– [ Woman ] I heard a shot.
– [ Man ] Someone fired a gun. I smell smoke.
– [ Woman ] What’s going on?
[ Chattering Continues ]
[ Woman ]
Call 9 1 1.
[ Woman ]
Is everyone okay?
[ Sirens Continue Wailing, Stop ]
[ Chatter On Ambulance Radio ]
‘ Your touch ‘
‘Pulling fire out of me ‘
‘ Your touch ‘
‘Like a wave crashing on the sea ‘
‘ Your kiss ‘
‘As gentle as a summer breeze ‘
‘ Your love ‘
‘Is what I need to set me free ‘
‘A rose ‘
‘Is what ‘
‘ You are ‘
‘ To me ‘
‘ The smell ‘
‘ Of wonders ‘
‘ Oh, so sweet ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘A rose ‘
– ‘A rose ‘
– ‘ To me ‘
– ‘ To me ‘
– ‘ To me ‘
– ‘ To me ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘My rose ‘
– ‘My rose, my rose ‘
– ‘Baby ‘
– ‘Baby, baby ‘
‘ Yeah, baby ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘A rose ‘
– ‘A rose ‘
– ‘ To me ‘
– ‘ To me, to me ‘
– ‘ Yes,you are Yes,you are ‘
– ‘ To me ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘ You are ‘
– ‘My rose ‘
– ‘My rose ‘
– ‘Baby ‘
– ‘Baby, baby ‘
‘ You are my rose
You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose
You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose
You are my rose ‘
‘ You are my rose ”

7 years ago

Dude, you arent even good at trolling, for a troll. Just yell at your mom for more hotpockets and mountain dew

7 years ago
Reply to  GoOppo


7 years ago
Reply to  GoOppo

I like hotpockets and mountain dew… 🙁

7 years ago


Ted Brogan
7 years ago

Wow, you included the song lyrics and everything.

7 years ago

best post in site history

Tommy Wiseau
7 years ago

Great comment.