Grading the Royals’ World Series Celebration

The season is over. The games have been played, the asses have been crowned. That’s the end. All done.

Except of course, no, not at all. Baseball season is like outer space, or an order of breadsticks at WTF Thursday’s Neighborhoodish Restaurant. It never ends. But before we move on to the business of baseball’s business, our topic for the next [checks watch] five months, let’s look back just a tad. You’ll recall, in a bit of foreshadowing, that I graded the Royals’ division-winning celebration in September. It has been suggested by some that, now that Kansas City are champions, I should grade their World Series-winning celebration, and see how it stacks up. See if they’ve learned anything over the last month. So, rather than think too hard about a different, more original topic idea, I thought, “Yeah. Sure.” So here we are! Exciting!

We’ll start where we started last time: the beginning. Which is really the end. It’s here:

With two strikes, Wade Davis threw a fastball inside that may or may not have caught the corner. Didn’t matter. The game was already over. Wilmer Flores, already focused on his off season of deep disappointment akin to learning that WTF Thursday’s Neighborhoodish Restaurant closes at 9pm — meaning endless breadsticks are a myth — took the pitch. I’ve watched the play over and over and despite solid video evidence to the contrary I’m not convinced Flores didn’t wander back to the dugout three pitches earlier.

In any case, let’s get to the grading. You may (not) recall that the Royals’ division-winning celebration garnered 58 out of 70 possible points, or 83%. Not bad. But let’s see if the Royals can improve on that effort, or if I even remember what the categories are.

*****

Appropriate Excitement Level

Heh. Remembered that one.

Look, I really want to talk about the appropriate excitement level. I mean, heck, it’s the heading and everything. And sure, fine, the Royals were super excited. Ten points out of 10, boys. Well done. But the thing I keep noticing after Davis’ strikeout of Flores is Flores. Just watch this.

Davis throws the game’s final pitch.

The umpire calls strike three.

Drew Butera does a fist pump thing. Flores starts to walk back to the Mets dugout which is over on the first base side of the field. Buuuut…

… he walks rather slowly. And maybe a bit deliberately.

Meanwhile Davis is exulting on the mound. He’s thrown his glove up in the air (we’ll cover that later) and raises his fists to the sky. He just needs one thing: Butera to run to him and jump into his arms, the traditional “we-just-won-the-World-Series half a second ago” celebration. There is only problem, though: Butera can’t get there because Flores is blocking him!

Butera keeps backing towards the left-handed batter’s box, hoping to get around Flores, hoping for daylight like a running back trusting his blockers to open up a hole in the line even if hasn’t happened yet. But it’s not working. It’s not working because that’s exactly where Flores is going and Flores is making no effort to get out of his way. Flores is executing perhaps the greatest post-World-Series-winning cockblock of all time.

Even when Butera finally gets around him via frantically sidestepping, note the subtle placement of Flores’ bat. The Royals radio announcer is busy yelling, “It’s over!” For Flores and the Mets, though, it’ll never be over.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Butera sees daylight. He bolts around Flores…

and into Davis’ waiting arms.

It’s hard at this level to not get all 10 points. It’s the World Series. Guys have been dreaming of this their whole lives. The Royals were excited. About as excited as they could be. There’s no cap here, no “it’s only the division.” This is it. Get pumped! The Royals were suitably pumped.

Points: 10/10

*****

Innovative Celebration

The Royals may not have developed a new way to win, but the way they built their team seems to herald a new path to success. And even during their World Series-winning celebration this team can’t stop innovating. Some teams hug, some jump, some toss their hats, and the Royals did all of that, sure, but Sunday night’s post-game celebration ushered in a new kind of celebration: glove throwing. The Royals tossed aside their gloves like they were wearing the Mets on their hands.

The first to do this was Wade Davis, who passed the time waiting for Butera to deke Flores by heaving his glove skyward. You can see it in the image below: the glove is where the back of the umpire’s head should be.

But Davis wasn’t alone. This, like all things the Royals did this post-season, was a team effort. Like in all his at-bats, Alcides Escobar participated as quickly as possible.

Ben Zobrist let fly as well.

In fact, look at this post-game scrum.

Nobody has a glove! Well, almost nobody. Alex Gordon is still wearing his. I guess that tells us all we need to know about his impending free agency, eh?

Points: 10/10

*****

Yelling “Wuh! Wuh! Wuh!”

Yes. They did that.

Points: 10/10

*****

Enough Jonny Gomes

Can you win the World Series without Jonny Gomes? Probably. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s not entirely clear. The Royals sure didn’t. They depended on Gomes for things. Probably also stuff. Did Gomes technically “play” in any playoff games? No. Did he need to in order to help the Royals? Of course not! Jonny Gomes can make an impact without following any of your rules, dude. In fact, the less he played baseball, the better off the Royals were, probably! So eat that, haters!

Not playing didn’t dampen Gomes’ enthusiasm one bit. He was in the middle of every celebration. Gomes is like a guy you knew in college who was passing through town and stopped in to crash on your couch for a few days. When he left, the place was a mess. There were empty beer cans and boxes of partially eaten pizza crusts all over the living room, but by then everyone, you included, just loved the guy.

Gomes found Salvador Perez and shook a finger in his face. Most people don’t like fingers shaken in their face, but this is Jonny Gomes shaking his finger.

So Perez gave him a huge hug!

During the first TV interview immediately following the game, Christian Colon lasted all of 14 words before he said “Jonny Gomes.” Here’s Gomes helping to get the party started by opening comically large champaign bottles.

And of course here’s Gomes standing with an American Flag (he takes it everywhere he goes; he calls it Flaggy) shouting things at Royals fans during the World Series celebration in Kansas City. [Not pictured: Gomes confusing the mic with a glove and heaving it into the air.]

Gomes is so important that I’ve decided to turn this into a double category.

Points: 20/20

Hugs

Hugs, perhaps more than anything else, are the staple of a World Series-winning celebration. They are the glue that holds it together. Players hug each other. Fans hug each other. Players hug coaches. The manager hugs players. The manager hugs the owner. The owner, trying to pretend he remembers what human contact is like, may even hug a player (though he’ll have his manservants give him a full bath immediately afterwards).

Hugs!

Double hugs!

Close-up hugs!

Far-away hugs!

Lots of hugs!

Points: 10/10

*****

Getting Wet

The Royals did quite well at getting wet last time. In fact, it was probably their best skill. So things are lined up pretty well for them to get a perfect score.

At first Ned Yost said no, but then he ran over and let Perez dump ice water on his head.

Forget everything else about Yost. Forget what we thought of him last year, forget what we think of him now that he’s piloted a World Series-winning team. Just know that he willingly walked into an ice water bath. That’s a manager you want to play for.

As for getting appropriately wet…

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. The Royals accomplished that.

They even got their insides wet. Jonny Cueto is committed!

Heck, they didn’t keep the wet to themselves. They got celebrities wet, too. Here movie star and Royals fan Paul Rudd gets beer dumped on him by Mike Moustakas who said “Way too dry” approximately 70 times to which Rudd replied, “I’m way too dry!” Magical moments, folks. Magical moments.

Points: 10/10

*****

Out of 70 possible points the Royals pulled down all 70. This should not surprise us, as the Royals were an experienced celebratory machine. Say what you want about the Royals, whether you believe in them or not, but they are the champs and they proved it both on the field, in the clubhouse, and all over Paul Rudd’s face.