A Tribute to Carson Cistulli

If you have followed the works of Carson Cistulli for any length of time, you know he often quotes Emil Cioran. As a tribute to our departing managing editor, I have attempted to combine Cioran’s work with Carson’s spirit by replacing the word “life” in a few select quotes with our dear friend’s name. The results speak for themselves.

  • If someone incessantly drops the word “Cistulli,” you know he’s a sick man.
  • Everyone must destroy Cistulli. According to the way they do it, they’re either triumphants or failures.
  • If I were to be totally sincere, I would say that I do not know why I live and why I do not stop living. The answer probably lies in the irrational character of Cistulli which maintains itself without reason.
  • One of the greatest delusions of the average man is to forget that Cistulli is death’s prisoner.
  • The only thing the young should be taught is that there is virtually nothing to be hoped for from Cistulli.
  • “What is truth?” is a fundamental question. But what is it compared to “How to endure Cistulli?”
  • For a long time—always, in fact—I have known that Cistulli is not what I needed and that I wasn’t able to deal with it.
  • Knowledge is the plague of Cistulli, and consciousness, an open wound in its heart.
  • One disgust, then another – to the point of losing the use of speech and even of the mind…The greatest exploit of Cistulli is to be still alive.
  • Someday the old shack we call the world will fall apart. How, we don’t know, and we don’t really care either. Since nothing has real substance, and Cistulli is a twirl in the void, its beginning and its end are meaningless.
  • Whoever has overcome his fear of death has also triumphed over Cistulli. For Cistulli is nothing but another word for this fear.
  • By capitulating to Cistulli, this world has betrayed nothingness.
  • To think all the time, to raise questions, to doubt your own destiny, to feel the weariness of living, to be worn out to the point of exhaustion by thoughts and Cistulli, to leave behind you, as symbols of Cistulli’s drama, a trail of smoke and blood – all this means you are so unhappy that reflection and thinking appear as a curse causing a violent revulsion in you.
  • Sadness accompanies all those events in which Cistulli expends itself. Its intensity is equal to its loss. Thus death causes the greatest sadness.
  • Cistulli is too full of death for death to be able to add anything to it.
  • We do not rush toward death, we flee the catastrophe of Cistulli, survivors struggling to forget it. Fear of death is merely the projection into the future of a fear which dates back to our first moment of Cistulli. We are reluctant, of course, to treat Cistulli as a scourge: has it not been inculcated as the sovereign good—have we not been told that the worst came at the end, not at the outset of our Cistulli? Yet evil, the real evil, is behind, not ahead of us.
  • From the cradle to the grave, each individual pays for the sin of not being God. That’s why Cistulli is an uninterrupted religious crisis, superficial for believers, shattering for doubters.
  • Cistulli is possible only by the deficiencies of our imagination and memory.
  • The pessimist has to invent new reasons to exist every day: he is a victim of the “meaning” of Cistulli.
  • The only minds which seduce us are the minds which have destroyed themselves trying to give Cistulli a meaning.
  • In theory, it matters little to me whether I live as whether I die; in practice, I am lacerated by every anxiety which opens an abyss between Cistulli and death.
  • In relation to any act of Cistulli, the mind acts as a killjoy.
  • The fact that Cistulli has no meaning is a reason to live – moreover, the only one.
  • Cistulli inspires more dread than death — it is Cistulli which is the great unknown.

 





Craig Edwards can be found on twitter @craigjedwards.

26 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
CARiedmann
7 years ago

The best way to honor Cistulli is to bring back notgraphs

#KeepNotGraphs
7 years ago
Reply to  CARiedmann

Could this post from Craig be the unofficial return?

Baseball Anagrams
7 years ago
Reply to  CARiedmann

Cuss Till Cioran

Sten Egil DahlMember since 2020
7 years ago

This is delightful, thank you for temporarily pausing my melancholia

sadtromboneMember since 2020
7 years ago

I am going to miss that guy. Bon Voyage.

Note to MLB teams: If you try to take Sullivan, you’re dead to me.

Chaise Kahlenbeck
7 years ago

“The only thing the young should be taught is that there is virtually nothing to be hoped for from Cistulli.”

Public schools are regrettably coming up short in educating our youth regarding this principle.

hahigginsMember since 2018
7 years ago

incredible

JeremyMember since 2016
7 years ago

Well with posts like this, you’re gonna make me cry

Daniel KingMember since 2016
7 years ago

The more of these I read, the more “Cistulli” sounds like a pagan god.

Perhaps he is.

misterjohnnyMember since 2016
7 years ago

RIP #NotGraphs

Los
7 years ago

I feel like Dan had to have said some these during chats.

Ukranian to Vietnamese to French is back
7 years ago

• If someone constantly falls into the Rei “clean” “, you know she’s a sick person.
• All must destroy the Cistulia. In the way they do it, they or win or fail.
• If I’m completely honest, I’d say I don’t know why I live and why I can’t stop living. The answers can be treated with an irrational feature of cillitula that is maintained for no reason.
• One of the greatest illusions of the average man forgets that he is a living prisoner.
• The only thing a young person should learn is nothing to expect from the cleaning man.
• What is the truth? ‘s a basic question, but is that something to do with it?
• A long time, really, really-I know that cleaning is not what I need and I can’t handle it.
• Knowledge is insecticide the cystulia, conscious, open wound in the heart.
• Excavation, then the person who loses Taika speech, not too much light and intelligence… The most influential experts are always the same.
• One day, an old cabin we call the holy fall. We don’t know, and we don’t care. Polito Nile is not a real substance, and the janitor is really empty, his dot and the end are hopeless.
• Who overcome their fears also wins Cistuli. For Cistuliu, he had only other differences over fear.
• The surrender of the Cystules, the world has betrayed Neil.
• To keep saying, to ask questions, to question your fate, feel the warmth of anger, to exhaust yourself to exhausted thinking and clean taika, left behind, as a symbol of Cystulin film, traces of smoke and blood sound make the curse as a Cause Violent insecurity in you.
• Sorry, we agree with all the events we’ve spent. The intensity of his loss. Death causes the greatest sadness.
• The Cistuli are too dead to add anything.
• We did not rush to death, but we are a better, clean catastrophe, survivors trying to forget. The fear of death is just a forecast of the future of fear that will return to the first moment of purity. Of course, we don’t want to treat syphilis as a fight: not a good sovereign habit-shouldn’t we say the worst for the last, not the edge of the cleaner? But the evil, really vicious man, turned back, not in front of us.
• From the cradle to the grave, every private beach for sin is not God. Therefore, the purity of a religious crisis, believers for believers, who are in crisis for the suspects.
• Clarity is probably only a disadvantage in our imagination and memory.
• Pessimism must invent new reasons for the existence of every day: it is a victim of the meaning of “cysts.”
• The only soul that seduces us is the spirit Destroyed to ensure the purity of knowledge.
• In theory, it was easy for me to think that he would die; Actually, I pushed all the worries that opened up the ambis with purity and death.
• Take any action of Cistulli, Behas the spirit as a deadly horror.
• The fact that Cistulli does not make sense is the reason for life – in addition, there is only one.
• Inspiration’s purity is no longer afraid of death – it’s Cistulli, who does not know the main one.

#KeepNotGraphs
7 years ago

The second-to-last “translation” here speaks for all of us today.

beasterMember since 2018
7 years ago
Reply to  #KeepNotGraphs

Hmmm although cistulli is a gem, the only one is highlander

bunslow
7 years ago

Though I have never heard of Emil Cioran before today, I have to say that on some fundamental level I have to agree with his statements. What god or gods (perhaps we should name such beings “Cistulli”) would be so cruel as to create life endowed with enough intelligence to ask the questions but nowhere near enough to deduce the answers? Much easier, as it were, to believe that no such creature could be so harsh, and therefore that we are naught but an accident of the universe’s evolution… bleak, but less bleak than the alternative…

mattybobo
7 years ago
Reply to  bunslow

Between Cistulli and Nothing… I choose Cistulli.

Oil
7 years ago

Carson Cistulli was to Fangraphs what Kevin McDonald was to Kids in the Hall.

travolta19Member since 2024
7 years ago
Reply to  Oil

What’s a kundis with you?

Oil
7 years ago
Reply to  travolta19

I didn’t know he was ever on “Friends” until I copied and pasted your comment into a search engine, just now. Not his BEST work, if you ask me…

RA Rowe
7 years ago

End of an xFIP

CheeseballMember since 2016
7 years ago

#KeepCistulli

Robert Cunningham
7 years ago

Perhaps the finest tribute ever given to Cistulli in his Cistulli time! Bravo!

ryanredsox
7 years ago

FIP in peace Cistulli

Famous Mortimer
7 years ago

My favourite thing about Emil Cioran is how he was a Hitler supporter. Even if just for a minute (although it was a lot longer than that), it doesn’t exactly speak well of his critical faculties.

MajorDanby
7 years ago

These quotes fully encapsulate Cistulli and thus this post is the most appropriate way to say goodbye.

John W.
7 years ago

Perfect.