NERD Game Scores: Houston Astros Utopian Tale Event

Devised originally in response to a challenge issued by viscount of the internet Rob Neyer, and expanded at the request of nobody, NERD scores represent an attempt to summarize in one number (and on a scale of 0-10) the likely aesthetic appeal or watchability, for the learned fan, of a player or team or game. Read more about the components of and formulae for NERD scores here.


Most Highly Rated Game
Houston at Cleveland | 19:10 ET
Velasquez (25.2 IP, 116 xFIP-) vs. Kluber (118.2 IP, 66 xFIP-)
Talented Cleveland right-hander Corey Kluber faces a group of young men who, after crash-landing on an uninhabited island in the Pacific following a wartime evacuation, instead of descending into murderous anarchy — instead of doing that, proceeded rather to diligently train and practice baseball, eventually forming a club and joining Major League Baseball as the Houston Astros. Today represents an opportunity to experience their inspirational story again, as if for the first time.

Readers’ Preferred Broadcast: Cleveland Radio.

Two Brief Notes
Perpetually Looping Video: Chris Heston on the Human Predicament
On Monday night, San Francisco starter Chris Heston performed a dramatic rendition depicting the futility of all human endeavor, throwing a pickoff attempt to a first base recently vacated by teammate Brandon Belt.

Today’s Free Game
Today’s free game features Los Angeles AL at Colorado, starts at 20:40 ET, and can be accessed by means of this hyperlinked text.

Complete Schedule
Here’s the complete and very sortable table for all of today’s games. Pitching probables and game times aggregated from and also the rest of the internet. Note that the calculations both for team and game NERD scores have changed recently to better integrate playoff odds into same. Read more about those changes here, if you’re the sort of person accustomed to making poor life decisions.

NERD Image 4

Away   SP Tm. Gm. Tm. SP   Home Time
Tyler Lyons STL 9 4 7 7 8 CHN Jake Arrieta 13:20
Tim Cooney* STL 5 4 5 7 3 CHN Dallas Beeler* 20:05
Matt Moore* TB 6 4 5 7 1 KC Chris Young 14:10
Matt Andriese TB 5 4 5 7 4 KC Edinson Volquez 20:10
Johnny Cueto CIN 7 4 6 4 10 WAS Max Scherzer 19:05
Sonny Gray OAK 7 4 7 9 7 NYA Nathan Eovaldi 19:05
Tyson Ross SD 7 3 6 8 8 PIT Francisco Liriano 19:05
Vince Velasquez HOU 4 10 8 6 10 CLE Corey Kluber 19:10
Dan Haren MIA 3 5 4 5 3 BOS Wade Miley 19:10
Robbie Ray AZ 5 5 4 3 3 TEX Yovani Gallardo 20:05
Manny Banuelos* ATL 6 2 4 3 6 MIL Tyler Cravy* 20:10
Kevin Gausman BAL 6 7 5 3 4 MIN Kyle Gibson 20:10
Undecided TOR 5 9 5 1 5 CHA Jose Quintana 20:10
Andrew Heaney LAA 8 8 6 4 5 COL Chad Bettis 20:40
Kyle Ryan DET 3 4 5 4 10 SEA Taijuan Walker 22:10
Chad Billingsley PHI 2 2 4 5 6 LAN Brett Anderson 22:10
Bartolo Colon NYN 6 4 4 4 4 SF Matt Cain* 22:15

* = Fewer than 10 IP, NERD at discretion of very handsome author.

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Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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TOR starter looks like Felix Doubront

Bluebird in Boulder
Bluebird in Boulder

Has there ever been a negative NERD?