NERD Game Scores: Houston Astros Utopian Tale Event

Devised originally in response to a challenge issued by viscount of the internet Rob Neyer, and expanded at the request of nobody, NERD scores represent an attempt to summarize in one number (and on a scale of 0-10) the likely aesthetic appeal or watchability, for the learned fan, of a player or team or game. Read more about the components of and formulae for NERD scores here.

Most Highly Rated Game
Houston at Cleveland | 19:10 ET
Velasquez (25.2 IP, 116 xFIP-) vs. Kluber (118.2 IP, 66 xFIP-)
Talented Cleveland right-hander Corey Kluber faces a group of young men who, after crash-landing on an uninhabited island in the Pacific following a wartime evacuation, instead of descending into murderous anarchy — instead of doing that, proceeded rather to diligently train and practice baseball, eventually forming a club and joining Major League Baseball as the Houston Astros. Today represents an opportunity to experience their inspirational story again, as if for the first time.

Readers’ Preferred Broadcast: Cleveland Radio.

Two Brief Notes
Perpetually Looping Video: Chris Heston on the Human Predicament
On Monday night, San Francisco starter Chris Heston performed a dramatic rendition depicting the futility of all human endeavor, throwing a pickoff attempt to a first base recently vacated by teammate Brandon Belt.

Today’s Free Game
Today’s free game features Los Angeles AL at Colorado, starts at 20:40 ET, and can be accessed by means of this hyperlinked text.

Complete Schedule
Here’s the complete and very sortable table for all of today’s games. Pitching probables and game times aggregated from MLB.com and also the rest of the internet. Note that the calculations both for team and game NERD scores have changed recently to better integrate playoff odds into same. Read more about those changes here, if you’re the sort of person accustomed to making poor life decisions.

Away		SP	Tm.	Gm.	Tm.	SP		Home	Time
Tyler Lyons	STL	9	4	7	7	8	CHN	Jake Arrieta	13:20
Tim Cooney*	STL	5	4	5	7	3	CHN	Dallas Beeler*	20:05
Matt Moore*	TB	6	4	5	7	1	KC	Chris Young	14:10
Matt Andriese	TB	5	4	5	7	4	KC	Edinson Volquez	20:10
Johnny Cueto	CIN	7	4	6	4	10	WAS	Max Scherzer	19:05
Sonny Gray	OAK	7	4	7	9	7	NYA	Nathan Eovaldi	19:05
Tyson Ross	SD	7	3	6	8	8	PIT	Francisco Liriano	19:05
Vince Velasquez	HOU	4	10	8	6	10	CLE	Corey Kluber	19:10
Dan Haren	MIA	3	5	4	5	3	BOS	Wade Miley	19:10
Robbie Ray	AZ	5	5	4	3	3	TEX	Yovani Gallardo	20:05
Manny Banuelos*	ATL	6	2	4	3	6	MIL	Tyler Cravy*	20:10
Kevin Gausman	BAL	6	7	5	3	4	MIN	Kyle Gibson	20:10
Undecided	TOR	5	9	5	1	5	CHA	Jose Quintana	20:10
Andrew Heaney	LAA	8	8	6	4	5	COL	Chad Bettis	20:40
Kyle Ryan	DET	3	4	5	4	10	SEA	Taijuan Walker	22:10
Chad Billingsley	PHI	2	2	4	5	6	LAN	Brett Anderson	22:10
Bartolo Colon	NYN	6	4	4	4	4	SF	Matt Cain*	22:15

* = Fewer than 10 IP, NERD at discretion of very handsome author.