One Night Only: Now with Team NERD

Just three tiny hours ago, I submitted for the readership’s consideration a bigger, badder version of the NERD metric that I originally introduced back in June. Having come to something like a consensus on NERD for pitchers, it was clear that the American people were ready for more. They were ready — dumdumdum — for team NERD.

At the risk of overstimulating the home audience, who are likely still reeling from this morning’s announcement, I’d like now to discuss what these new advances in NERD technology — what they do for the One Night Only game previews I’ve taken to posting in these electronic pages.

Really, the differences won’t be huge-huge. It’s my solemn vow always to write (or, at least, try to write) in a prose style equal parts G.K. Chesterton and Mickey Avalon.

But there will be one difference, and it’s kinda awesome. Regard:

pNERD = Pitcher NERD
Game = Time and Average NERD for Game
* = Estimated NERD

What you see there is all of today’s games, graded via NERD scores. Under the column labeled pNERD, you got your pitchers’ NERDs; under tNERD, you got your teams’ NERDs; and under Game, you got both the time of the game (Eastern) and the average of both pitchers’ and teams’ NERD scores. That last number, if everything is working correctly, should give you a sense of how appealing the game in question ought to be.

I intend to provide such a list in these pages everyday, Monday through Thursday, and then a weekend edition on Fridays. (I also might not do that, on account of how Sloth’s strong strength.)

In any case, were I you, I’d probably watch that Yankers-Blue Jays game tonight. Morrow is awesome for a bunch of reasons that are probably obvious; the Toronto offense hits a lot of home runs; and Ivan Nova will be making his first career major league start.

Barring that game, there’s the Twins-Ranger game. Derek Holland (NERD: 5) was originally slated to start for Minnesota, but now it’s Rich Harden. Will he throw even one strike? Tune in to find out!

We hoped you liked reading One Night Only: Now with Team NERD by Carson Cistulli!

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Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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Surely you’d sort by NERD? Maybe NERD by early/evening/late.