The Absurdly Preliminary 2023 ZiPS Projected Standings

These 2023 projections are guaranteed to be awful, wrong in many ways ranging from tragic to comic. But despite being absolutely premature and littered with horrible misses, projected standings at this point are actually quite useful, and useful is the best description any kind of predictive model can strive for. Standings at this point are a poor predictor of the 2023 season — and even the eventual 2023 projections themselves — but what they are able to do is give a “state of the union” estimate for each team. These standings represent the best estimates ZiPS can make at this point about where a team sits in the league’s pecking order, based solely on the players currently under contract with the team. It’s hard to get where you want to go if you don’t know where you’re starting.
The methodology I’m using here is the same one I use in the regular season, and as such, it isn’t identical to the one we use in our Projected Standings. So how does ZiPS calculate the upcoming season? Stored within ZiPS are the first through 99th percentile projections for each player. I start by making a generalized depth chart, using our Depth Charts as an initial starting point. Since these are my curated projections, I make changes based on my personal feelings about who will receive playing time, as filtered through arbitrary whimsy my logic and reasoning. ZiPS then generates a million versions of each team in Monte Carlo fashion — the computational algorithms, that is (no one is dressing up in a tuxedo and playing baccarat like James Bond).
After that is done, ZiPS applies another set of algorithms with a generalized distribution of injury risk, which change the baseline PAs/IPs selected for each player. Of note here is that higher-percentile projections already have more playing time baked in than lower-percentile projections before this step. ZiPS then automatically “fills in” playing time from the next players on the list (proportionally) to get to a full slate of plate appearances and innings.
The result is a million different rosters for each team and an associated winning percentage for each of those million teams. After applying the new strength of schedule calculations based on the other 29 teams, I end up with the standings for each of the million seasons. This is actually much less complex than it sounds.
These projected standings do take the strength of schedule into consideration, which will be a bit more uniform now that the league has rebalanced the schedule. These standings reflect everything through yesterday’s Hunter Renfroe trade. We’ll start with the AL East:
| Team | W | L | GB | Pct | Div% | WC% | Playoff% | WS Win% |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Toronto Blue Jays | 88 | 74 | — | .543 | 32.5% | 36.6% | 69.1% | 6.6% |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 88 | 74 | — | .543 | 32.6% | 36.7% | 69.3% | 6.6% |
| New York Yankees | 85 | 77 | 3 | .525 | 20.4% | 35.6% | 56.0% | 4.0% |
| Boston Red Sox | 82 | 80 | 6 | .506 | 11.0% | 28.5% | 39.5% | 2.0% |
| Baltimore Orioles | 78 | 84 | 10 | .481 | 3.6% | 15.4% | 19.0% | 0.6% |
You shouldn’t be surprised to see the Yankees crash back to earth here, based on the simple fact that the dude worth 11.4 WAR for them this past season — hint, it’s not Tim Locastro — is currently unsigned. The Yankees may not bring Aaron Judge back, but it would be absolutely shocking if they didn’t do something to replace the wins they would lose with his departure. Now, he’s the big loss, but Jameson Taillon and Matt Carpenter matter, too, though it isn’t likely that Carpenter will match his 2022 performance anyway.
Relative to the Yankees, the big losses for the Rays (Corey Kluber, Kevin Kiermaier) and Jays (pretty much just Ross Stripling) are relatively mild. Not having Xander Bogaerts hurts the Red Sox quite a bit, but ZiPS already liked Boston better than their 2022 record and a few of the guys on the edge of the roster (Ceddanne Rafaela, Enmanuel Valdez) have fairly solid projections. One can see here the strong position the Orioles are in if they chose to be aggressive this offseason; they’ve had enough happy player development surprises that they can legitimately say they start the offseason in the same galaxy as the rest of the division.
| Team | W | L | GB | Pct | Div% | WC% | Playoff% | WS Win% |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Cleveland Guardians | 82 | 80 | — | .506 | 42.0% | 8.4% | 50.4% | 2.7% |
| Minnesota Twins | 81 | 81 | 1 | .500 | 31.9% | 8.7% | 40.7% | 1.8% |
| Chicago White Sox | 76 | 86 | 6 | .469 | 14.7% | 6.0% | 20.7% | 0.6% |
| Kansas City Royals | 74 | 88 | 8 | .457 | 8.1% | 3.7% | 11.7% | 0.2% |
| Detroit Tigers | 70 | 92 | 12 | .432 | 3.3% | 1.5% | 4.8% | 0.1% |
This may look depressing, but it also reflects the fact that everyone in the division is getting a tougher schedule in 2023. Cleveland is fairly unscathed, with the drop-off in wins reflecting a drop-off in the overall projections for the roster. Many of Chicago’s projections are notably south of where they were in 2022, and there are still at least two fairly serious holes in the starting lineup that the team better be more serious about filling this year.
ZiPS sees the Twins rotation as increasingly deep, but without any huge upside, and Carlos Correa will almost certainly be in another team’s uniform come Opening Day. The Royals and Tigers have a lot of fairly serious problems, so I doubt anyone is shocked to see them at the bottom here, though ZiPS does think KC can cobble together a halfway decent offense if they can resist doing the odd things they seemingly like to do (Ryan O’Hearn has the 38th-best projected WAR for a position player in their organization).
| Team | W | L | GB | Pct | Div% | WC% | Playoff% | WS Win% |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Houston Astros | 90 | 72 | — | .556 | 52.0% | 27.1% | 79.1% | 9.8% |
| Seattle Mariners | 84 | 78 | 6 | .519 | 19.5% | 31.6% | 51.1% | 3.4% |
| Los Angeles Angels | 84 | 78 | 6 | .519 | 19.0% | 31.3% | 50.3% | 3.3% |
| Texas Rangers | 80 | 82 | 10 | .494 | 7.6% | 21.0% | 28.5% | 1.2% |
| Oakland A’s | 74 | 88 | 16 | .457 | 1.9% | 8.0% | 9.9% | 0.2% |
IT’S ANGELS TIME! OK, not really. The Angels have the benefit here of having most of the team’s performance tied up in just a few players, with nobody crucial headed to free agency. Renfroe is actually helpful for an organization that has proven bad at surrounding its stars with secondary talent, but there’s a lot to do if the Angels are going to even maintain this place in the standings. Similar to the Yankees with Judge, the Astros aren’t likely to just shrug and stand pat if Justin Verlander doesn’t return.
I expect a busy offseason for the Mariners, with a definite focus on second base and corner outfield, and the Rangers have already been able to retain their best free agent-to-be, Martin Perez, for the 2023 season. And the A’s, well, they didn’t have anyone good enough to lose, which is something! Things may get worse before they get better, however, as there’s no guarantee that either Sean Murphy or Ramón Laureano starts the season with Oakland.
| Team | W | L | GB | Pct | Div% | WC% | Playoff% | WS Win% |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Atlanta Braves | 96 | 66 | — | .593 | 77.6% | 16.8% | 94.4% | 18.5% |
| New York Mets | 84 | 78 | 12 | .519 | 9.9% | 37.2% | 47.0% | 2.5% |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 84 | 78 | 12 | .519 | 9.3% | 37.2% | 46.5% | 2.4% |
| Miami Marlins | 79 | 83 | 17 | .488 | 3.2% | 21.0% | 24.2% | 0.8% |
| Washington Nationals | 67 | 95 | 29 | .414 | 0.0% | 1.1% | 1.1% | 0.0% |
Here we see the results of Alex Anthopoulos ruthlessly ensuring that Atlanta’s entire core stays put for a very long time. Dansby Swanson is a big loss, but when you see the projection for Vaughn Grissom, you’ll understand why the Braves dominate this very preliminary run of the NL East standings. The Mets appear certain to drop a lot of cash this winter, but again, they need to, with Jacob deGrom, Chris Bassitt, Taijuan Walker, Brandon Nimmo, and, well, much of the bullpen all heading to the open market. It isn’t difficult to understand why the Mets locked up Edwin Díaz so quickly.
The Phillies certainly need a starting pitcher, and ZiPS is less than enthralled with the situation at second base and definitely isn’t on Team Brandon Marsh. Still, a bounce back from Nick Castellanos remains likely. Bryce Harper’s return from elbow surgery is, of course, one of the real X factors that’s hard to fully consider here. The Marlins are in a similar position as they were last year, with a highly interesting young pitching staff and an absolutely atrocious offense that they can’t even commit “weekend dad” levels of attention to fixing. As for Washington, let’s just say that their second-best projected offensive player was someone who I wasn’t completely sure I had heard of before.
| Team | W | L | GB | Pct | Div% | WC% | Playoff% | WS Win% |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| St. Louis Cardinals | 91 | 71 | — | .562 | 68.0% | 15.3% | 83.4% | 10.0% |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 85 | 77 | 6 | .525 | 27.0% | 27.1% | 54.1% | 3.4% |
| Chicago Cubs | 74 | 88 | 17 | .457 | 2.7% | 6.5% | 9.2% | 0.2% |
| Cincinnati Reds | 72 | 90 | 19 | .444 | 1.4% | 3.8% | 5.2% | 0.1% |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 70 | 92 | 21 | .432 | 0.9% | 2.5% | 3.4% | 0.0% |
ZiPS tends to be the most positive projection system when it comes to the St. Louis Cardinals, and 2023 looks like no exception. The Cards (catcher, a starting pitcher) and Brewers (two outfielders) have similar levels of neediness, and this preliminary projection basically preserves their relative 2022 standing. The Cubs are making noise about spending this winter, but they need a couple of starting pitchers, a first baseman, most of a bullpen, and a DH to really threaten the top two teams in the Central. There are a lot of Reds who ZiPS sees as having significant upside (Elly De La Cruz, Christian Encarnacion-Strand, Noelvi Marte), but the system doesn’t see 2023 being their breakout campaigns. The projections actually see the Pirates having a halfway decent offense — and Endy Rodriguez has a terrific projection — but the rotation still projects rather poorly, as ZiPS remains frightened of Mitch Keller’s plate discipline data.
| Team | W | L | GB | Pct | Div% | WC% | Playoff% | WS Win% |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 91 | 71 | — | .562 | 50.9% | 31.0% | 82.0% | 10.0% |
| San Diego Padres | 87 | 75 | 4 | .537 | 24.7% | 37.9% | 62.6% | 4.7% |
| San Francisco Giants | 83 | 79 | 8 | .512 | 13.0% | 31.3% | 44.4% | 2.3% |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 83 | 79 | 8 | .512 | 11.2% | 29.7% | 41.0% | 2.0% |
| Colorado Rockies | 68 | 94 | 23 | .420 | 0.1% | 1.4% | 1.5% | 0.0% |
The Dodgers have a lot of work to do this offseason, but they started off as an absurdly good team, leaving them at the top of the projected division. I doubt they’ll enter the season with Ryan Pepiot in the rotation. San Diego retained Nick Martinez and Robert Suarez, and having a full season of Juan Soto and (hopefully) most of a year of Fernando Tatis Jr. is quite the boost. I do think they ought to be in the market for a first base upgrade, keeping Jake Cronenworth at second and allowing Ha-Seong Kim’s eventual role be determined by what the Friars do with Tatis.
When it comes to the Giants, ZiPS is increasingly a fan of Kyle Harrison, which helps to mute some of the loss of Carlos Rodón. Probably the most surprising team in these standings is the Arizona Diamondbacks, who have a cornucopia of players that ZiPS just really likes (Corbin Carroll, Brandon Pfaadt, Drey Jameson, and Ryne Nelson in particular). In truth, the projections for Arizona were so positive on the whole that I actually went back and double-checked every park factor and calculation specific to the Diamondbacks and their minor league affiliates.
The Colorado Rockies are a baseball team. They will play a number of baseball games in 2023 and win at least a handful of them. ZiPS projects the Rockies to be better than only the Nationals, but I expect the Nats have a better idea of exactly where their team is than the Rockies do. If I were a Rockies fan, I’d have voted to legalize psychedelic mushrooms, too.
Next up: The start of the team-by-team projections, beginning with the Boston Red Sox.
Dan Szymborski is a senior writer for FanGraphs and the developer of the ZiPS projection system. He was a writer for ESPN.com from 2010-2018, a regular guest on a number of radio shows and podcasts, and a voting BBWAA member. He also maintains a terrible Twitter account at @DSzymborski.
As a White Sox fan, yikes.
a strongly ‘oy vey’ projection
Don’t worry, they still have between $0M and $10M in payroll space and 1 top-100 prospect, plus a couple others in the 100-200 range that could be traded to help the roster. Another 15 wins to add to this projection seem pretty straightforward.
They need two corner outfielders and a second baseman. I do think some of this projection is because Yoan Moncada was a mess but I don’t think he will be that bad again. And the pitching still goes pretty deep so it’s really hard to imagine that they are anywhere near the Royals next year, even in this state.
Also gotta remember that the rest of the Central teams (especially Twins) have payroll space and prospect capital to improve if they want to, and the Sox don’t.
You forgot the “except Cleveland” at the end of that. It would be moderately stunning if they spent money of any significance.
Define “significance”.
If the ChiSox are truly limited to $10M max (seriously?), Cleveland will outspend them in add-ons. Not by much but their minimum payroll boost looks to be in the $15-25M. Not that they’re likely to hit 9 figures but they will spend modestly.
> Define “significance”
Loosely, money spent outside of planned raises and inexpensive (think 2yrs, $13M or 1yr, $4.5M) roster hole plugging that every team does.
Which is what the Chisox are supposed to do on $10M.
If that number is real they aren’t doing any spending of “significance” either.
Not when they need a 2B, at least one OF, maybe a C and P.
Which is why I doubt the $10M number. Where the Chisox lie, your kind of “significance” starts at $40. And at that number Cleveland won’t play. So what *does* Chicago have to spend?
And do note that the numbers coming out of cleveland are above and beyond raises and extensions. You may not think it significant but for Dolan to spend 8 figures in FA is.
My own expectation (Vazquez) would be $8-14M. I don’t see them trading for Murphy. Not for thr names floated and not if they’re keeping Naylor.
Any trades would be to move Rosario or one of Plesac/Civale.
What I do see them doing in FA is what Francona loves: platoons at 1B, Dh, and CF. That they can do for $25M and trades.
The lesson is that the competitive window can close really fast, don’t take anything for granted, and don’t invite back your 76 year old buddy to manage the team because you feel like you owe him a favor.
Even if they are good this year, that’s still the lesson.
The Yankees have a 56% chance of making the playoffs. Good enough for Hal!
as someone without a particular interest in any one team, I will be watching a whole lot of Dbacks (via VPN) and Orioles games this coming season
I really hope the Giants sign some big bats and stop rolling with the bargain bin platoon types they’ve been big on the past few years. They were a cure for insomnia this past year
The Cardinals need a catcher, a CO or MI bat, and at least one relief pitcher, but not a starting pitcher.
The Cards don’t think they need a starting pitcher, but a viable ace added to that team would do wonders. They certainly need all the others you mention, but if the Cards want to play with the big dogs it would be nice to see a 5.0 WAR pitcher as part of the pack.
The Cardinals absolutely need a top-end starting pitcher. A rotation of Flaherty-Mikolas-Wainwright-Montgomery-Matz is full of #3 starters with injury risk and little upside (except Flaherty). None of those pitchers will scare anybody in the playoffs, and the Cards will have an SP disadvantage in every playoff game. That has been the recent trend for them in the playoffs, and it has not gone well.
I would be super curious to see them with deGrom or Rodon or Verlander leading the rotation but I doubt they do it. But that would be out of character for them given how much they have invested already.
But: This is basically the last run for everyone in the rotation. Montgomery, Flaherty, Wainwright, and Mikolas are all free agents next year! Flaherty and Montgomery are young enough to maybe extend but this is Wainwright’s last rodeo and Mikolas is getting up there in years. They would actually be a really great spot for Rodon for this reason. But I just don’t think it will happen. They’ll probably just deal with it next year.
I’d rather see the Cardinals sign an expensive SP than a C (Rodon over Willson Contreras, for instance). It seems more important to add a legitimate star to the rotation rather than add to the lineup. Their lineup and defense will be very good even if they roll with Knizner/Herrera at C, but unless they upgrade the rotation it will be the worst of any likely playoff team.
A 5-WAR starting pitcher would upgrade the StL rotation by 2-3 wins or so. On the other hand, a 5-WAR catcher (that’s exactly Sean Murphy, per 600 PA, for his career, per Fangraphs) would be an improvement of 5.5 WAR over the 2022 combo of Molina +0.1, Knizner -0.3, and Romine, also -0.3.
And Murphy would very likely be gettable via young players who are good but unfortunately largely redundant on the Cardinal roster. Gorman or Donovan, plus Liberatore or Thompson, plus Yepez or Burleson, plus a couple of minor leaguers from among pitchers Michael McGreevy, Inohan Paniagua, and Alec Willis, or outfielders Joshua Baez and Won-Bin Cho. Notice that trade includes nobody from the farm system Mt. Rushmore of Walker, Winn, Graceffo, and Hence. A trade for Murphy makes perfect sense.
Not counting Ohtani, there are only two MLB aces on bad teams. By coincidence it’s the two guys St. Louis traded away in the disastrous Marcell Ozuna deal. I don’t see the Cardinals paying through the nose to bring back either Alcantara or Gallen. Too embarrassing. And of course they aren’t investing 30 or 35 or 40MM per year in a free agent arm. Nor should they, in my opinion.
This is pretty persuasive, and I’d be happy with Murphy. On the other hand, I think a 5-war SP would probably be a 4.5-war upgrade because of the injury risk in the Cards rotation. The odds of those 5 starters staying healthy all year are astronomical. I wouldn’t be surprised if one or more of the guys penciled into the rotation makes 5 or fewer starts in 2023.
But that 5 win pitcher would have a similar injury risk of those incumbent starters
I think that’s correct on the merits. I also think that it’s not likely.
ARE the Colorado Rockies a baseball team? Some people say they are, but I’m not convinced.
A thread:
Maybe the aforementioned mushrooms are available as a hot dog topping at Coors next summer. Then I can wonder if they are an actual team or some mushroom induced part of a dream quest
I greatly appreciate this, because that “power rankings” thing that sometimes gets posted here doesn’t really project the future and I don’t understand how anything gets picked. This is a much more straightforward.
Same. I’ve kind of given up on the power rankings. I couldn’t make sense of the offseason one at all. Why wasn’t it just an ordinal ranking of the fancy metric the author developed?
Aww, it’s never Tim Locastro.
This all seems about right to me, except that it’s hard to see how the A’s are this good. Even before they trade Murphy and Laureano, which will happen, this team is definitely a year away from being a year away. I think I’m higher on the White Sox as well, but…it’s certainly a team that needs far more depth.
same. i understand that zips (and projections in general) is fairly conservative, and it does not regularly spit out 100-win or -loss projections. but i see no way that oakland wins 70+ games, even with the rosiest tint of glasses
I’d guess that the A’s projected win number will go down between now and the season as other teams add talent and they don’t.
Don’t rain on my parade. 74 wins here we come!
The only thing I question in here is “the Astros aren’t likely to just shrug and stand pat if Justin Verlander doesn’t return.”
It seems like Crane is intent on driving the bus himself – I have no clue what he might do. He seems like the kind of guy who would love to cut payroll and rely on the talent already in the org, though.
Which just might work because no team is better at developing internal talent
I mean, they’d still be the favorite without Verlander. They’d take a step backwards, though.
The Twins have a lot of money to spend. If they do it well, they should project to near 88…. That seems like a strong incentive.
Do they have enough money to outbid the usual suspects?
This isn’t a FA class deep in top end talent and all the big spenders look to be active, including a couple of the “restrained” teams, like Cubs and Jays.
So, NYY, NYM, SF, TEX, HOU,LAD, BOS, PHI, SEA, SD, CUBS, JAYS all look to spend whatever it takes for P, OF, SS, C. Plus wildcards like Bal, LAA, or Ari, who might be a surprise team. Practically the entire NLW and ALE.
Lots of hole fillers like Benintendi and few Aces or catchers.
Twins *might* get one big signing by overpaying but finding 10+ WAR isn’t going to be cheap.
Speaking of the Mets, it’s difficult to see them as currently anywhere near a much better fixed Phillies team. What’s the rotation, now? Scherzer, Carrasco, Peterson, Megill,… there isn’t even a 5th starter, and those four rate to get you roughly 60 starts, on average, with a below league average outcome given how the latter three drag down Scherzer’s projections while figuring to start at least twice as many games. Joey Lucchesi after TJ, I guess, as the #5. That’s awful, for a contender. Who’s getting the remaining 80-90 starts, other than AAA guys, and much worse—never mind the empty bullpen?
Then without Nimmo, and an old lineup another year older they’re average on offense. Where can the projected 84 wins possibly be coming from?
MLB in this system is simply missing a lot of players, but who the Mets have under contract are nowhere near the Phillies as currently constructed. It’ll be interesting to see the team-by-team, if that’s available before FA signings kick in.
So all but the Rockies are contenders if they sign Aaron Judge and Carlos Correa. Ah the hope of December!
Exactly.
Once the signings start, the ardor starts to follow the thermometer and the farm hype takes over.
By spring a lot of it will be like MAJOR LEAGUE: “If the veterans have one more good run and the kids come early we can hold own.”
This early a projection is really of each team’s floor, not their likely end result.
Which boils doen to: “Atlanta=yikes!”
Like those old Peter Gammons preseason pieces on ESPN.
“If Player X bounces back, the young guys make a step forward, the pitchers stay healthy, this team could contend”.
There’s good reason they start season ticket sales now, with hope hype rampant, rather than spring when the reality starts to sink in.
@fjtorres The projections are much higher than the teams’ floors, though. If a team signs no one, or signs and trades poorly, they’ll be treading water while everyone around them gets better.
The improving teams’ wins will be drawn from the teams not improving their rosters.
If they trade poorly they’ll move down.
Especially if its a salary dump of present for future.
Today’s floor isn’t cast in concrete.
Every Tiger is predicted to do better this year. Add a free agent or 2. 90+ wins. Book it
See above. 😇
I do think it is unlikely they will lose 95+ games again.
They actually have some decent depth in the infield with Kreidler, Wenceel Perez, and Lipicus. The outfield defense will undoubtedly be a disaster, but they could do okay offensively between Baddoo, Greene, and Meadows. E-Rod will probably be better and more available. Skubal’s health will matter a lot–I wouldn’t be surprised to see him miss the whole year. Schoop will probably hit better. I think them cutting Candelario loose was a mistake, IMO.
I doubt they’re going to get any big-ticket free agent to come there, though–there’s just too much losing. So while Brandon Nimmo would be perfect for them, he’s got plenty of other options. There will be some competition for Zack Eflin, Noah Syndergaard, and Josh Bell but they’d all be worth a look. I think they should definitely be going after guys who have upside but aren’t in high demand, like Edwin Rios, Archie Bradley, or Gary Sanchez. Maybe Dominic Smith or Franmil Reyes, although they’d both be DH types.
Benintendi is a good fit if Miami doesn’t grab him first.
Why is it that the Marlins and Tigers–the two teams that absolutely need a CF but keep insisting on putting corner guys in center–are going to be in on Benintendi, a guy who came up as a CF but has been a disappointment in a corner? Oh wait, I think I just answered my question.
There you go. 😎
Hope springs eternal.
Proven “True CFs” on a budget are rare.
The Yanks paid dearly for Bader and so will whoever gets Kiermaier. To say nothing of whoever goes for Bellinger.
Teams like Miami and Detroit are happy to find somebody who can fake it.
They’re projected to be better because it would be very difficult to be worse
I will take a wager on the under 89.5 wins for Detroit, Milt! Stakes?
I’d like to think Cubs fans might start thinking a little more aggressively upon seeing this, but probably they’ll just push back a launch date for Future 2.0 and continue pining for Correa (who as a 28 YO decade+ pro athlete is painted as Young just for being young-er) and scraps that won’t upset the salary cap
That’s one posibility.
Another is they look at the rest of the division and decide one bat, one pitcher and a bit of dumpster diving gives them a chance.
They might even be right.
Probably not
The Cubs are very bad at specific things and Correa + scraps does nothing to address any of it:
Do stuff addressing that and you might get a good 2023 team v trying to fix 2019 with Correa and like Noah Syndergaard
Sounds about right.
For one year.
And in that division…?
Everybody has holes and aging risks.
I doubt that it matters much how well Mitch Keller hits. You wouldn’t by chance have been talking about command, would you have?
“…they can’t even commit “weekend dad” levels of attention to fixing…”
—Seen a lot of lazy ‘weekend dads’ on tv, but none in real life. This is a lazy, random slap, really, especially given the factual context that women file for the overwhelming majority of divorces. I’m going to assume you don’t attack groups of women for no reason, so… do better.
Your bar for being offended is awfully low
“If I were a Rockies fan, I’d have voted to legalize psychedelic mushrooms, too.”
*chef’s kiss*