The Early Shift: The All-Pajama Team

Hello. While on paternity leave, I kept a journal about baseball and my daughter, who is not named Derek Jr., but who will henceforth be referred to as Derek Jr. You can read all of the entries here.
May 26
We’re trying to decide whether Derek Jr. is ready to move up from size two diapers to size three. I mention that we’ve still got a couple size one diapers left in the diaper bag. Maybe it’s not too late to use them up so they don’t go to waste. “Those size one diapers,” replies my wife, whose gorgeous, haunting debut novel comes out next fall, “would not fit one of her butt cheeks.”
May 27
Similarities Between My Daughter and Professional Baseball Players:
- They’re disturbingly young.
- They love spending time at the park.
- They’re incapable of keeping their saliva in their mouths where it belongs.
- They have shockingly thick forearms.
- They frequently dirty their uniforms.
- They’re constantly besieged by photographers.
- They have a carefully monitored nutrition regimen.
- They’re big on naps.
- They wear protective gear around their crotches.
- They’re evaluated using percentiles.







